Just been arrested at the airport. Apparently “How many do you need?” is a bad response to the question “Do you have any firearms?” 0 0 0
Earlier today Prince Philip sent a message to the President wishing him a happy Independence Day. His message said “You did a great job destroying the alien mothership and humanity is forever grateful.” 0 0 0
Dildоs are illegal in Texas but guns aren’t.Probably explains the low number of dildо-related murders in the area. 0 0 0
The electric power was off briefly at the White House, but the electricity has been restored…Unfortunately, there are still quite a few dim bulbs at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.And many citizens would like all the power in Washington DC cut off. 0 0 0
My cousin is such a hypocrite. He said he was against the death penalty but last week he killed himself. 0 0 0
Hillary is mad at Sатаn…Hillary:“Sатаn! We had a deal! Where’s the election victory that you promised me?”Satan:“Where’s the soul that you said you had?” 0 0 0
There was some upset at Margaret Thatcher’s funeral when the decorations were being prepared. More specifically over the drawing pins used to put them up. The upset was caused because a cheap Polish imported brand was used; people said the organizers should have supported British businesses. Apparently some people were so upset they threatened to go on hunger strike. I thought we'd seen the end of the Pole Tacks Diets. 0 0 0
A Russian spy, a sеxuаl predator and a billionaire walk into a bar.The bar tender says:“What can I get you Mr President?” 0 0 0
Just got an email from a Nigerian king asking for my bank details to send me $1 million. They must think I’m sтuрid, after going to the trouble of kidnapping his daughter and holding her in my basement I need at least $10 million. 0 0 0
Don’t know why everyone suddenly thinks North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-Un is crazy. It was obvious after he made that song ‘Gangnam Style’ that something wasn’t quite right with him. 0 0 0
Now that Donald Trump has been elected, there is speculation as to whether Chris Christie will be part of the cabinet….……. or stealing snacks from it. 0 0 0
A US Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Jacksonville , FL.He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the sh!t out of a flag burner and an Obama supporter.”The priest says, “My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.” 0 0 0
(Little brother to his older sister) What is political correctness?(Older sister) It's something you're not suppose to talk about.(Little brother) How am I going to find out what it is if I can't talk about it?(Older sister) You can talk about it but you have to talk about it in the right way.(Little brother) How do I talk about it the right way?(Older Sister) Just don't say anything and you can't go wrong!(Little brother) How am I suppose to communicate and tell people how I feel.(Older Sister) I haven't got that part figured out yet, it's a slippery slоре.(Little brother) What's a slippery slоре? 0 0 0
A lot of people criticize the American government’s policy of bombing foreign countries to make them more peaceful but on the plus side it’s a great way for Americans to learn geography. 0 0 0
Having Donald J. Trump give a lecture on business ethics would be is like having a lереr give you a facial 0 0 0