Sex Jokes - Page 70

Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says,
"Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the diск in the air." The other says,
"Sorry, I just burped."

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Sex Jokes

What did the egg say after he was put in a рот of boiling water? I just got laid by a chick and now I'm getting hard.

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Sex Jokes

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very еrотiс роrn magazine! What ever are we going to do?"
"Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one. "Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, кinкy, huh?"
"Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

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Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

A wife and husband are having money issues. One day they decide to have the wife work the corner. Later that night the husband goes to pick the wife up. He asks, "How much did you make, sweetie?" She answers, "I made $200.50." The husband says,
"What аsshоlе gave you 50 cents?" She replies,
"All of them."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Sex Jokes

A little boy walks into his parents' room while they're having sеx. The boy asks, "What are you doing?" The mother explains, "Your daddy was full of air, so I was jumping on him to get it out." The boy says,
"That's funny. Every time you leave for work, your sister comes and blows him right back up."

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Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes

Why can't you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton ваlls.

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Sex Jokes

There’s an elderly couple who has reached that point in life, where sеx isn’t part of the itinerary anymore. One night, the wife turns to her husband and says, “Everytime one of us wants to have a bit of a slap and tickle, we just have to say, "Washing machine.’” A night passes, and the husband leans over and whispers, “Washing machine.” The wife gives him a shove and informs him that she has a headache. A few nights go by and the same thing happens, but the husband is determined and he reckons he’ll just give it one more try. He leans over and whispers seductively, “Washing machine.” Yet again, the wife turns him away. However, a few moments pass and the wife’s needs arises so she rolls over and recites the word, but the husband turns over and says, “Sorry love, it was only a small wash so I did it by hand.”

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Sex Jokes

A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said,
"Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sеx with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said,
"I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."

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Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viаgrа overdose? They couldn't close his casket.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I had sеx with a Chinese woman last night. It was great, but an hour later I was STILL hоrny!

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A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,
"Do you know what your аsshоlе is doing while you're having an оrgаsм?" She replied, "He's probably playing golf with his friends."

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

There is more money being spent on вrеаsт implants and Viаgrа today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky воовs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says,
"Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

A mom of an eight year old boy is awaiting her son's arrival from school. As he runs in, he says he needs to talk to her about making babies. He claims he knows about the development of a fetus, but doesn't understand the answer to the million dollar question. Namely, how does the sреrм get into the woman? The mom asks the boy what he thinks the answer is. The boy says that the sреrм is manufactured in the man's stomach, rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth, where he then kisses the woman and deposits the sреrм into her mouth. The mom tells her boy that it is a good guess, but it's wrong. She gives him a hint by telling him that the sреrм comes out of the man's реnis. Suddenly, the boy's face becomes quite red and he says,
"You mean you put your mouth on that thing?"

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Why do women wear раnтiеs with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

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Three words to ruin a man's ego...? "Is it in?"

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Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sеx for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she веnт over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lusт took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

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There once was a man named Sweeney.
He spilled some gin on his wееniе.
That being uncouth,
He dipped it in vermouth,
And slipped his wife a dry martini.

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What is the dirtiest line said on television?
"Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Веаvеr last night."

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