Sex Jokes - Page 78

My mum was so proud of me today. I cleared all my stuff off my bed. Changed the sheets and even put the old ones in the wash myself!
On an entirely unrelated note, i’ve recently learned what a wet dream is.

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Sex Jokes

I tried phone sеx once, but the holes were too small.

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Sex Jokes

A guy has no idea about sеx and has never had sеx before, so his buddies set him up with this whоrе for a couple of hours. He really had NO clue, and when she sat down on the bed completely nакеd, she says, “Do you know what I want?”
He looks at her and says, “No”
She lies down on the bed and starts rubbing her вrеаsтs and moaning she says, “do you know what
I want?”
He replies “No”
She then spreads her legs *wide open* and says, “NOW do you fсuкing know what I want?”
“Yeah - you want the whole fсuкing bed to yourself!” He replies.

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Sex Jokes

When I took my new cardboard girlfriend to bed, I had nowhere to put my diск.
I don’t think she’s cut out for having sеx.

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Sex Jokes

Why is it that the Avon lady can go knocking on random women’s doors and ask them if they are interested in a refreshing fасiаl but, when I do it, they make me sign the sеx offenders register?

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

When I say to a guy, 'Look, we've gotta talk,' what I really mean is, 'We've been together for months. I've now twisted my personality into an emotional pretzel to accommodate your every need. I want to know your idea of commitment versus my idea of commitment. Are we getting married? Are we having kids? Are we going to couples counseling? Where's this relationship going? I want to know.' When a guy says to me, 'Look, we've gotta talk,' what he means is, 'I want to have sеx with someone else, and will this interfere with me having sеx with you.'

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

Why did God create women ?
To carry sемеn from the bedroom to the toilet.

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Sex Jokes

A young girl who was about to go on a 1st date with her boyfriend was been tutored by her grandma. “He will try to kiss you, allow him.
He will try to cuddle you, allow him.
He will try to lay u down and get on top of u, DONT ALLOW HIM!!!”
The girl asked, “Grandma, why?” Grandma said, “Because if u do that, u have allowed him to disgrace u and all your family.” Girl said, “Okay”
And left on her date. Several hours later she returned and grandma asked, “How dd it go?”
Girl said, “Exactly as u said except when he laid me down and tried to disgrace our family, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

Whilst reading through an ancient book at the British Library, I found a ‘magic spell’ that would supposedly make women want to have sеx with me.
Worked like a fuскing charm.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Why do women love sеx?
They love anything that involves moaning.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Sexist Jokes

I was arrested for having sеx with a 15 year old girl. I thought she was a couple of years older than that. I suppose that makes two reasons why I’m a bad father.

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Sex Jokes

In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to маsтurватing regularly.
The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

Girls hate it when you give them gifts implying that you will somehow benefit from them as well.
Take knee pads for example.

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Sex Jokes

Does time fly when you're having sеx or was it really just one minute?

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Sex Jokes

Sеx is a misdemeanor; the more I miss, the meaner I get!

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Sex Jokes

Five worst things to shout during sеx.
1. “Die !!!”
2. “Prematurus Ejacularus”
3. “Police… help!”
4. “Sieg heil mein Führer!”
5. “I love you mum.”

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Police Officer Jokes

So I read this article in the papers about a 14-year old girl’s bet to have sеx with 100 men in one year.
It disgusts me to see kids betting.

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News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

What are the three words women hate to hear during sеx? "Honey, I'm home!"

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

I think sеx is so overrated and it wouldn’t bother me if i never had sеx ever again.
I mean, I just don’t understand what all the fuss is about where sеx is concerned.
Said my wife.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

The реnis asks for a pay rise:
I here by request a pay rise because I do physical labour at great depths. I don’t get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a wet environment in a dark place that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures and my work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Yours sincerely,
Mr. P. Niss.
Response:
After considering your request and the arguments raised we reject it for the following reasons:
You need to be stimulated into starting work. You are part time and fall asleep after brief work periods. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift and you don’t observe safety rules such as protective clothing. You can’t work double shifts and you often dribble.
Yours sincerely,
Ms. V. Gina..

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Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes