Sports Jokes

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Oakland Raiders football practice was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.
Practice was immediately suspended while the Drug Enforcement Agency was called in to investigate.
After a complete field analysis, the DEA determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the DEA agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

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The wife was telling me I need more exercise. I told her, "Well, I'll take up sports then."
She laughed and said,
"Why don't you just order the sports channel on cable? Shaking your fist at the TV and yelling at the games is more exercise than you'll get actually playing them."

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Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?
Find out, after the break.

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I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.

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"Hello 911, my wife passed out, but wait, I think she's starting to come to again."
(911) "What happened just before she passed out?"
"I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner."
(911) "Then what happened?"
"She said, 'On a Monday night?' and then she passed out."
(911) "No worries then, she'll be fine. I get a rash of these calls when they cancel Monday night football."

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Jurgen Klopp goes in to church to confession and says,
“Forgive me father for I have sinned!”
The priest replies, “Come forth my child!” Klopp retorts, “Come forth? We’ll be lucky if we come вlооdy tenth!”

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What’s the hardest part about skydiving
The ground.

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Oscar Pistorius may be guilty but to be fair girls spend f*cking ages in the bathroom!

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BREAKING: Steven Gerrard has announced he will be releasing a new book about his career with Liverpool.
As of yet, the book has no title…

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Want to get noticed? Go jogging without moving your arms.

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What’s better than seeing the look of disappointment on the faces of Celtic supporters, after crashing out of the Champions League?
Seeing it twice.

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Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer!

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A lion would never cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.

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What do you call twelve bouncers all in the same Manhattan bar?
The New York Knicks

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Why do artists never win when they play football?
They keep drawing!

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I haven’t seen one medal awarded at the Olympics for participation.

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England Tracksuit For Sale XXXL hardly used
Phone 07899 999999 ask for Sam!

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What sickness does a martial artist get? Kung flu.

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Did you know O. J. Simpson is a fаn of Peyton Manning?
Yep, he likes slow white Broncos.

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What’s the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?
Prince Andrew’s never regretted getting rid of Fergie.

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