Thanksgiving Jokes

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“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.” – Ambrose Bierce

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Thanksgiving Jokes

Yo mama so fат, you invite her over for Thanksgiving dinner and tell her you’re eating a whole turkey, and she brings her passport.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

(Geek joke)
What do you call somebody who’s absolutely into Thanksgiving turkey?
A tryptophanatic.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

How Do You Know You Went Too Far This Thanksgiving:
- You have grease stains on your вuтт – but you never sat down.
- Your post-dinner moans brought Dr. Kevorkian’s van to your door.
- You kind of suspect the amount of potatoes you used might have started a brand new potato famine, this time in Idaho.
- You ask your wife if you have the Jaws of Life at home when you need to get off the couch.
- You went for a blood test the week after and the only thing the nurse could draw from your arm was slightly darker gravy.
- The steering wheel is starting to get uncomfortably personal.
- The dog eyes you with new respect.
- While you were taking a nap after food, somebody quietly put a large plastic sheet under you, and a few dozen sandbags around you.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

What are turkeys thankful for at Thanksgiving?
The current veganism/vegetarianism fad.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

How do you make the richest soup ever?
Cook it with 24 carrots (carats).

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Thanksgiving Jokes

What is the theory of relativity?
Take Thanksgiving for example. The turkey gets stuffed, you get stuffed, but you’re relatively better off.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

What do you call a turkey that’s got no feathers?
Thanksgiving dinner.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

What did the turkey say in the sauna?
“Hmmm, what is that lovely smell?!”

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Thanksgiving Jokes

What did the turkey say to the lady who visited the farmer in November?
“I heard Target is having a special chicken sale!”

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Thanksgiving Jokes

Turkey fun facts:
- Turkey quite possibly didn’t feature on the first Thanksgiving menu. The records point more towards a duck or a goose.
- Turkeys can get a heart attack. This was discovered when the US Air Force were testing breaking the sound barrier and the huge boom ended up with a field of turkeys dead from fright.
- Black Friday is the busiest day of the year for plumbers. Guess why.
- Benjamin Franklin wanted turkey to become US national animal. He thought the eagle had a “bad moral character”.
- Because of the very harsh conditions during that first year of 1621, many historians believe that only 5 Pilgrim women (out of the 50 Pilgrims in total) were present at the Thanksgiving feast.
- That’s probably how many have survived.
- A wild turkey, when scared, can run 20 mph (32 kph).
- After a stroll on the Moon, the first meal Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin enjoyed was roast turkey (in a foil packet, but still).

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Thanksgiving Jokes

“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” – Kenny Rogerson

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Thanksgiving Jokes

“Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, ‘Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England.’” – Jay Leno

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Thanksgiving Jokes

What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

Bonus thanksgiving jokes
Why isn’t it a good idea to do bad things (e. G. pick your nose when you think no-one’s looking) at Thanksgiving table?
Because the potatoes are keeping their eyes peeled.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

50.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

49.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!

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Thanksgiving Jokes

48.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

47.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.

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Thanksgiving Jokes