Women - Page 131

The most unusual person I ever dated was a cop. She was a police woman. First night in bed she goes, 'Do you have any protection?' I said, 'You.'

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A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said,
"I've lost my dad!"
The cop asked,
"What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Вееr and women with big воовs."

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Jokes about Women Police Officer Jokes Dad Jokes

A young lеsвiаn goes to her gynecologist for her yearly pelvic examination. She puts on the paper gown and awaits him to come into the exam room. He instructs her to get up onto the table and place her feet in the stirrups.
As he is examining her she hears him saying “mmmm… mmmhmmm”. He completes the examination, instructs her to dress and then meet him in his office when she is done.
In his office she asks him if there was anything unusual that he observed during the exam because she could not help but hear his non-verbal comments.
“Oh, that” he says.” I was just admiring you. You have the cleanest vaginal area that I have ever seen in all my years of practice.”
The young woman proudly smiled and replied, “Why thank you! I have a woman come clean it twice a week!”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

When Eve was disobedient, God decreed that women everywhere would work hard and please their man and be happy and obedient. And He promised it would be so unto the corners of the Earth.
…
Then God made the Earth a sphere and laughed and laughed and laughed.

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

A fter the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, “Honey has anyone ever told you how handsome, sеxy and irresistible to women you are?”
The flattered husband said, “No dear they haven’t.”
The wife yells, “Then what the hеll gave you THAT idea at the party tonight???”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

A priest was walking down the sidewalk and saw a young boy pouring a liquid back and forth between two glasses. When he asked the boy what he was playing with, the boy told him that it was sulfuric acid. Horrified the priest took our his Holy water and offered to exchange with the boy.
When the boy said no, the priest tried to convince the boy that the holy water was better by telling him he had just put some of his Holy water on the tummy of a woman and she had passed a baby. The boy said,
"That's nothing, I accidentally dropped some of this on the tail of a cat and he passed a bus."

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes

Two women friends met after many years.
"Tell me," said one, "What happened to your son?"
"My son? the poor, poor lad!" sighed the other. "What an unfortunate marriage he made to a girl who won't do a stitch of work in the house. She won't cook, she won't sew, she won't wash or clean. All she does is sleep and loaf and read in bed. The poor boy even has to bring her breakfast in bed, would you believe it?"
"That's really awful!"
"And what about your daughter?"
"Ah, now she's the lucky one! She married an angel. He won't let her do anything in the house. He has servants to do the cooking and sewing and washing and leaning. And each morning he brings her breakfast in bed, would you believe it? All she does is sleep for as long as she wishes and spends the rest of the day relaxing and reading in bed."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

What do you do if a woman doesn't make you a sandwich?
Her best friend.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time:
1. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
2. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G. I. Joe's vs. the X-Men.
3. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
4. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restroom.
5. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
6. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
7. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
8. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.
The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

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Jokes about Women Fat Jokes

Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking вееr while discussing football and NASCAR.
All of a sudden Bill says, “Dad, I think I’m gonna divorce my wife. She hasn’t spoken to me in over six months.”
His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his вееr and says, “Son, you better think it over; women like that are hard to find.”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

Q. Why do blonde women get confused in the toilet?
A. Because they have to pull their own pants down.

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes

A Scotsman is sitting on a train across from a вusтy blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.
To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, “Are you looking at my growler?”
“Yes, I’m sorry, ” says the Scotsman and promises to avert his eyes.
“It’s quite alright,” replies the woman, “It’s very talented, watch this, I’ll make it вlоw a kiss to you.”
Sure enough the growler blows him a kiss.
Wee Hughie, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the growler can do.
“I can also make it wink, ” says the woman.
The Scotsman stares in amazement as the growler winks at him.
“Come and sit next to me,” suggests the woman, patting the seat.
The Scotsman moves over and is asked, “Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?”
Stunned, The Scotsman replies, “Good grief! Can it whistle, too?”

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes

Why do Asian women have small тiтs?
Because only A’s are acceptable.

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Jokes about Women Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Boob Jokes

Last night I tried to go out for an Italian Meal, but there was a huge, fат woman standing in the doorway.
I couldn’t get pasta.

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Jokes about Women Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Fat Jokes

Male procedure:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
Female procedure:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirтy look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

Son, when I was your age there was no social media. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women.

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Jokes about Women Old People Jokes

I don’t really care how big a woman’s тiтs are.
As long as they’re вiggеr than mine.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Boob Jokes

An italian man who doesnt know english comes to england and:
At the hotel he learns, "me,me,me!"
At the restaurant he learns, "knives and forks, knives and forks!"
At the museum he learns, "oh, how fascinating!"
And at the farm he learns, "a little fат piggy"
Then there was a dead woman on the road, the police was there and asked,
"Who killed her?"
Man answers, "me,me,me!"
Police,"what did you кill her with?"
Man,"knives and forks, knives and forks!"
Police,"you're going to prison!"
Man,"oh, how fascinating!"
Police,"who do you think you are?"
Man, "a little fат piggy"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes Fat Jokes Hotel Jokes

A guy went to a doctor who had his office on 4th floor. He explained to doctor that he can't satisfy his wife on bed. Doctor examined him and gave him 3 pills a red, pink and blue pill, Doctor adviced him to use the red pill first, if it is not working out use pink,and even if Pink pill fails use the blue pill as it is more powerful. He took the pills and left. Before going home he wanted to test the pill. He swallowed red pill and got in to the lift. He saw a woman about 50 years old, and f*cked her and checked if she was satisfied.. She replied somewhat. Then he tried pink pill met another woman.. F*cked her got feedback as ok. He wanted to try the blue pill and see how it works. On first floor he sees a girl ducks her and got feedback as awsome.. He was very happy now.. When he reached ground floor he realized that he don't have any pills left. So he went back to doctor to get few more blue pills. When he opened the door Doctor opens his pant and bends down.. This guy shouts "what is this Doctor.. Y are u doing this.. Doctor goes back to him slapped him and said. You ducked my mom in 3rd floor.. my wife in 2nd floor and my daughter in 1 at floor. I am the only guy left in my family.. come and duck me!!~~

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