Women - Page 148

I’m almost 36 years old….. and I realized I still have so many unanswered questions!
I never found out who let the dogs out…
The way to get to Sesame Street…
Why Dora doesn’t just use Google Maps…
Why we don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”…
Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed…
Why “abbreviated” is such a long word…
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons…
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections… and, why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts” where’s that extra penny going to…
Why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune…
Why did you just try to sing those two previous songs…
Why do we park in a driveway, but drive on a park way…
And just what is Victoria’s secret?

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Jokes about Women

Life is like a реnis, hanging freely and relaxed. Its the women who make it hard

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

This man goes to the bakery and asks the woman for $100.00 of white bread. The sales woman tells him that it's going to get hard. “So he asks for $2,000 worth” .

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A blond woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, “What is that?”
The store clerk responds, “It’s a thermos.”The blond then asks, “What does it do?”
The clerk says “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”So, she buys one. The next day, she brings it to work with her.
Her boss, also a blond, asks, “What is that shiny object?”
She replies “It’s a thermos.”
He asks, “What does it do?”
She says, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”
He then asks, “What do you have in there?”
“Two cups of coffee and a popsicle.”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

There was this blonde woman who had a fire in her house, so she called the fire department.
Blonde: There's a fire in my house!
Fireman: Alright ma'am how do we get to your house?
Blonde: With the big red fire truck, of course!

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes

What gets wetter the more it dries?
A woman who really enjoys drying things.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model on her refrigerator to remind her of her goal.
The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method.
The downside to this was that her husband ended up gaining fifteen pounds.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.
Mom forgot until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.
After the wedding, the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious, so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.
While she was in the bathroom, she opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there. She exclaimed, “Oh no, it’s short, pink and wrinkled!”
Then her groom cried out, “I told you not to peek!”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Hotel Jokes

An older couple was asking for a room with a king, queen or double bed. The clerk apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds.
Disappointed, the man remarked, "I don't know. We've been sharing the same bed for 44 years."
"Could you possibly put them close together?" the wife asked.
Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented, "How romantic."
Then the woman finished her request with, "Because if he snores, I want him close enough to be able to elbow him."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. Everything quickly turned to chaos when a woman carrying a child started walking towards the front.
Everybody was surprised, shocked, and the bride even fainted. The pastor asked the woman if she had anything to say.
The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his реnis in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband terrified, screamed “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to… to… cut it off are you?!” The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire”.

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Jokes about Women

Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up.
“All the women down on the floor,” one handsome robber commanded.
“My grandmother too?” the little girl asked.
“Yes, your grandmother too!”
“All the women on the floor, pull up your dresses.”
“My grandmother too?”
“Yes, your grandmother too! All women will now remove their раnтiеs.”
“Surely you don’t mean my grandmother too?” asked the little girl.
Becoming angry, the handsome robber shouted, “YES, YOUR GRANDMOTHER TOO! Now, all the women on the floor are to spread their legs apart.”
When the little girl started to ask if her grandmother was included, her grandmother snarled, “YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID!”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A woman rushes into a hardware store and said, “Can I have a muse trap, please? And will you be quick - I’ve a bus to catch.”
“Sorry, ma’am,” said the assistant, “we don’t sell ‘em that big!”

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Jokes about Women

Women have been fighting for their rights for years. They want to be able to do stuff that men do. So why do they still want me to hold the door open for them?

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A shy man was feeling a little lucky and decided to ask the subdued provocative Librarian about seduction as he tended to be oblique in his intentions.
“Do you have any books on women seducing men?"
The Librarian answered without hesitation " Why yes" she murmured.
Most likely found in the " Fantasy section"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

If a young girl asks you if you like kids, she is curious. Older woman asks you if you like kids, you know what that really means? She has some kids!

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes

Just replied to an ad offering me hot sеx with an older woman.
Should be interesting. I am 86.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Internet Jokes

Behind every strong, self-sufficient woman is the man that she needs to open jars, get things off of high shelves and кill spiders.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

I like my women how I like my light bulbs…
…
Not too bright, easy to turn on and hanging from electrical wire in my basement.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
"To кill my husband."
"I can't sell you arsenic to кill a person!"
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes