Women - Page 147

If you're a woman and you get вrеаsт reduction, you need to donate those воовs. There are flat women out there, right now, who actually have to think of clever things to say in conversation.

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What is the difference between a European colonist and a tornado?
Tornadoes can't rаре women

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes

An unmarried woman is newly pregnant and gets into an auto accident. She suffers a head injury and lapses into a coma for nine months. When she awakens in the hospital, she panics and asks about her baby.
Her doctor is called in and gives her a mild sedative, then he sits down to answer her questions. “I’m so happy to see you recovering”, he says. The woman responds, “Thank you doctor, but what about my baby? Is everything all right?” He replies, “Yes, despite your injury, we were able to perform a fairly normal delivery procedure.”
“In fact,” he goes on, “you’ve given birth to twins - a boy and a girl.”
The woman is very happy and asks when she can see her new babies. The doctor replies, “Right away, but we’ve already sent the infants home with your brother. We’ll call and tell him you’re okay. While you were unconscious, your brother took care of everything for you. He even gave the babies names.”
At this point, the woman gets upset, “Doctor, my brother is an idiот! What name did he give my little girl?” The doctor answered that her name was Denise. “Oh, Denise, that’s not so bad. What name did he give my boy?” The doctor answered, “Denephew”.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes

The lady who started the Grumpy Cat on facebook is now a millionaire.
Just another example of a woman using her рussy for profit.

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Jokes about Women Facebook Jokes Internet Jokes

A tactical wife is one who makes sure she spends so much on herself that her husband can't afford another woman.

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Jokes about Women

An engineering student was walking across campus with a shiny new mountain bike when he was approached by a friend, also an engineering student. The friend said, “Hey, where’d you get the great looking bike?”
The first engineer replied, “Well, i was walking across campus the other day. This beautiful woman rode up to me on her bike, ripped off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and said ‘Take anything you want!!!'”
The second engineer replied, “Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit anyway!”

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Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes

Two eggs were boiling in a pan. The female egg said to the male egg, “Ooh, look, I’ve got a сrаск.”
The male egg replied, “Calm down, I’m not hard yet.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

Guy moves in with the woman: you just mess up her place and рiss her off for six months. And she walks around going, 'How can one person leave every pair of dirтy underwear all over the floor?' Because women don't know what the floor is for. Women think the floor is a way to get from this room to that room. Men realize the floor is actually a low, flat shelf.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

There's a woman in front of me -- she's a little bit big. And I don't want to make fun of people's weight because we all have good years and our bad years. And she, apparently, had many bad years in a row, because she put that little rubber mat under her аss, it looked like a dish sponge.

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Jokes about Women Fat Jokes

I work with some women who are really skinny -- really really skinny. They have this thing called 'salad time.' There's a leader. 'Salad time,' she'll say to the other ones, and they all get up and walk with her. They go get salads and bring them back and then discuss who's healthiest. They're like... 'Crunchy Chinese noodles -- what a fun, crunchy treat.' Sсrеw you both. Doritos are a fun, crunchy treat.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A blind woman told me I had a big реnis yesterday. I think she was pulling my leg.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

When a woman asks for your opinion, she doesn't really want your opinion. She wants to hear her opinion, in a deeper voice.

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Jokes about Women

A new viвrатоr has just been invented that is so real that just before a woman reaches оrgаsм, it сuмs,coughs, farts, then goes limp and finally switches itself off..

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

Hard to take women with false eyelashes seriously. It's like watching two tarantulas scream for attention.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

A woman was telling her boyfriend that she always dreamed that she would walk down the aisle with him.
So the very next day he took her to the supermarket.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

We all know that men and women think differently. I know when I'm having sеx with a woman, she's thinking about love and marriage and romance, and I'm thinking, 'A hundred bucks? I can't afford this.'

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

The best way to get over one woman is to get under another...

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

I approached a gorgeous woman outside the pub last night:
“Is it true that chicks dig scars?”
“Not me,” she said. “I can’t stand them.”
“Good,” I said, pulling out my knife. “Then I’m sure you’ll do what you’re told…”

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

I whistled at some girls today and, almost immediately, they approached me and we started chatting.
I love refereeing female football matches.

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes

A huge muscular man with a tiny head walks into a bar, and everyone stares at him becuase there impressed by his muscular physique, but there also shocked with his tiny head in contrast to his huge body. So the man walks up to order a drink and the bartender says" im not gаy or anything, but I'm impressed by your physique it's amazing, but why do you have such a little head". The man replies by saying " well it's a bit of a story, but one day I was walking in the woods until I encountered a talking frog, and the frog said " if you kiss me I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes". Then suddenly that frog turned into a beautiful nакеd women who then said" you now have 3 wishes, what do you wish for", I then said " I wish I had Arnold Schwarzeneggers body". Then my clothes rip from the huge body transformation, and I Had Arnold Schwarzenegger physique. The lady then said " what is your second wish", I said " I wish to have sеx with you". We start engaging in sеx, and in the middle of enjoyment the beautiful women whispers to me" you have one more wish" I then said " how a about a little head"?

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes