Work Jokes, Office Jokes

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.
"And what will your third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and said,
"Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said,
"But your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."
"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"

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A Police officer called over to the Station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes

The nurse burst into the doctor’s office. “Doctor! She yelled, “you just gave a clean bill of health to Mr. Smith and … and he dropped dead right outside the door!”
The doctor jumped into action. “Quick,” he said, “We’ve got to turn him around so it looks like he was just coming in!”

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

I have just been interviewing people for a post at my work.
The first guy was fresh from university and very eager.
The second guy had a degree and five years experience.
The woman had two degrees and twelve years experience.
I am all for equal opportunities, so of course I employed the woman.
I’ll only have to pay her half as much.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

Smith was always tired. After a while, he became known in the office for dozing off at his desk, sometimes even several times a day. Granted, he had a good reason. His wife had just had twins and he didn't get much sleep at home. But his boss was having none of it. He told Smith that if he was caught sleeping on the job one more time, he would be fired.
That same week, the boss decided to make a surprise visit at Smith's desk, to see if the situation had improved. You can imagine what happened next, he found Smith asleep.
But Smith was a quick thinker. He woke up just in time, remained in his position and calmly delivered the following line that saved his job:
"... and I especially thank you for my excellent boss. Amen."

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Office and Work Jokes

A Man has a dentist appointment in the morning before work, So he knows that he has some extra time to get ready in the morning. When he wakes up and throws the covers back, he realized his wife is sleeping nакеd next to him. He decides, since he has some extra time, to wake her up with a pleasant surprise. He proceeds to go down on her, she enjoys it, everybody wins. …
…
Moments later when the deed is done he goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth and sees his one of his wife’s рuвiс hairs stuck between his two front teeth. He panics realizing that he must go to the dentist in an hour and doesn’t want to look like a fool. He struggles to get the рuвiс hair out with floss so he gets a brilliant idea to grab the fingernail clippers and cuts it down as much as possible. He is sure that the рuвiс hair is no longer distinguishable, and simply looks like a spec, he thinks to himself “the dentist will have no idea.”
So shortly thereafter, he arrives at the dentist office where they have him seated in the chair for cleaning. The dentist walks in and begins the cleaning, and after a moment he begins to laugh. The man asks the dentist “What? what is so funny?”
The dentist asks the man “You went down on your wife this morning, didn’t you?”
The man panics and so sure he eliminated the evidence from his teeth he asks “Why would you say this? that isn’t a рuвiс hair in my teeth!”
The dentist chuckles and says, “No, you have some shiт on your сhin!”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

The bank robbers tied and gagged the employees in one room and the Manager in his office. On their way out they noticed the Manager was making desperate noises to catch their attention. Moved by curiosity, one of the burglars loosened the gag and heard the man’s plead:
“Please take the books, too I’m $5000 short!”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

A black man walks into a job centre and goes up to the desk. He says; look, Im honest, very hardworking, I can work all hours and am desperate for a job. The job assistant goes; Ive been waiting for someone like you to come in all month, I have the perfect job for you, it involves chauffeuring around this billionaire and when he’s not in the country you have to shаg his gorgeous wife for him.
The black man says; your bullshitting me,
The assistant replies; well you started it!

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

I’m very displeased with the terms under which my job at the cannon factory ended…
They fired me.

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Office and Work Jokes

Two guys walking down the street talking. One says to the other, "I wish I had a million dollars."
The second guy says,
"Oh, I'm working on my second million."
"Really?" asked the first guy, surprised.
"Yea, I gave up on the first million, didn't quite work out."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

Three guys are at the gates of Heaven, and God tells them, "We have a special today! If you died a terrible death, you're in for free." So God asks the first guy his story. "I was a hard working man and a loving husband, but I began to suspect that my wife was cheating on me. One day, I called in sick to work and left for home to hide and closely watch my apartment. I saw a man go in, and I decided to wait a few minutes to catch them in the act. Then, I started ваnging on my door. They wouldn't open it, so I broke down the door and walked in to see my wife sitting nакеd, but the man wasn't in sight. I went to the balcony, where I saw a nакеd man hanging on the edge. I began to stomp on his hands until he fell down, but there were bushes, so I got my fridge and tossed it on him. In the process of tossing the fridge, I also fell over and died." God replies,
"Wow, that's pretty bad, finding out your wife cheated and falling off your balcony. You pass." The second guy says, "God, my only сriме was that I enjoyed dancing nакеd in my apartment while eating pickles out of the jar. I was doing just that one day, when I slipped on a pickle and fell over my balcony. Luckily, I was able to grab on to the ledge below mine. After a few minutes, a man came and I thought he was going to rescue me, but he began to stomp on my hands. I fell, but luckily, I fell into the bushes. I thought I had survived, but that man threw a fridge at me and I died!" God replies,
"Wow, that's very cruel, being crushed to death." The third man says,
"I died nакеd in a fridge."

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Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

Laziness is when a person doesn't fake that he's working.

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Office and Work Jokes Life Jokes

A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he will be working in.
He walks past a room where a man is vigorously маsтurватing non-stop, and asks the doctor why was the man doing such a thing out in the open?
The doctor replies, “Oh he has a medical condition where the sреrм builds up so quickly in his body, he has to маsтurвате constantly or he will explode.”
“Oh, I see,” says the intern.
They walk past another room where the intern sees a man laying on a stretcher getting a вlоw job from a nurse.
Again, he asks the doctor “What’s up with that?”
The doctor says, “Same condition, better medical plan.”

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Dad came home one day in an exceptionally hot mood and took his wife upstairs for some fun.
Just when they were really getting into it, their young son entered the room and started to cry.
“What’s wrong, son?” the father asked. “Why are you crying?”
“You’re hurting my mommy,” the little boy replied.
“No, no,” the father reassured. “I’m not hurting her. We are making babies.”
This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple went back to their business.
The next day the father came home from work and found his son on the steps, crying.
“What’s the matter NOW?” asked Dad.
“It’s those babies you were making with Mommy yesterday,” the boy answered.
“The mailman is upstairs eating them!”

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Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

A tired and frustrated wife arrived home late from work and quietly entered the master bedroom where she saw four sets of feet hanging over the end of the bed. Furious, she grabbed an umbrella and began to hit the covers hearing groans from underneath them.
Exhausted she goes down the stairs to the kitchen for a stiff drink where she is shocked to see her husband standing in the kitchen.
"Your mom and dad arrived unexpectedly, so I gave them our room. Did you say hello?"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vоdка by three hours, and a workday - eight hours.

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Office and Work Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

One day, an employee received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything about it. The following week, her check was for less that the normal amount, and she confronted her boss. “How come,” the supervisor inquired, “you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?”
Unperturbed, the employee replied, “Well, I can overlook one mistake - but not two in a row!”

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Office and Work Jokes

After my wife landed a coveted job offer from UPS, we went out of town to celebrate.
While on our trip, she was contacted by the company's Human Resources department with an urgent request to complete and send back her tax forms.
"No problem," she said. "I'll FedEx them right over."

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Office and Work Jokes

Two old-time political aides are walking through a shabby, overgrown cemetery, writing down names from the headstones.
One of the men works very fast, stopping only by upright stones where he can read the names clearly.
The other works deliberately, gone from one stone to the next, kneeling down and clearing away the grass and wiping away the grime in order to see the name clearly.
"Why are you spending so much time doing that?" the first man asked.
"I'll tell you," the second man said. "This is a free country with a Constitution and everything. Each one of the people has as much right as the next to cast his vote."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Political Jokes

An explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory. Once all the mess has been cleared up, the inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is brought in to make a statement. "Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the scene, what happened?"
"Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."
"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror. "How long had he been with the company?"
"About 20 years, sir."
"Twenty years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room. I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done."
"Well... it was, sir."

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Office and Work Jokes