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A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I would makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place”
“That should have worked,” said the friend.
The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left…”
A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.
The doctor asked her all the usual questions: what were the symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc.
Suddenly, she interrupted him
"Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said,
"There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep."
A blond woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, “What is that?”
The store clerk responds, “It’s a thermos.”The blond then asks, “What does it do?”
The clerk says “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”So, she buys one. The next day, she brings it to work with her.
Her boss, also a blond, asks, “What is that shiny object?”
She replies “It’s a thermos.”
He asks, “What does it do?”
She says, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”
He then asks, “What do you have in there?”
“Two cups of coffee and a popsicle.”
There were 3 men who were working on a bridge. One of the worker's name was John, the other one's name was Randall, and the last one's name was Joe. So one day when the 3 men were taking a lunch break, they all opened up their lunch box and saw what their wives had gave them for lunch. When John opened his lunch, he saw that he had peanut butter and jelly, so then he said,
"If my wife gives me the same lunch tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this bridge. Then Randall opened his lunch and saw that he had spaghetti and meatballs. So then he also said the same thing as what John said. Then when Joe opened his lunch he saw that he was having a chicken salad. So then he said that he too was going to jump off the bridge if he got the same lunch the next day. So the next day, all 3 men had the same lunch from yesterday and they all jumped off. A week later when the funeral was scheduled, John's wife said,
"If my sweetie- pie told me he wanted a new lunch, he should have told me!” then Randalls wife said "Why did he do it? Why??” then Joe's wife said,
"Why did he jump off the bridge? He packed his own lunch!"
Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.
Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behing the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing.
“Hey, pal! Why don’t you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That’ll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something.”
Jones is startled by the patient’s seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. “You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?”
The patient smiles and says, “I’m in here because I’m crazy, not because I’m sтuрid.”