Work Jokes, Office Jokes

10 reasons why вееr should be served at work
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
5. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
6. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
7. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
8. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
9. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
10. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."

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In the name of the Lord God: One day a sergeant came back home and said to his wife: Everything has changed in the army. From now on, he added, we are free to follow the orders of our officers and we can discuss the matters with them. His wife answered: That is in the army. Here at home none of that. Get up and wash the dishes!

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes

A man was working on a preacher's car in a garage and he was pushing hard on a wrench to loosen a nut and his hand slipped. He yelled "G**dамn it" and the preacher said,
"Don't take the Lord's name in vain, say 'Lord, help me, Lord help me.'"
The man went back to work and, a little while after, his hand slipped again and he said "Gоddамn it" again. The preacher again told him, "Don't take the Lord's name in vain, say 'Lord help me, Lord help me.'" The man put the car up on the jacks and got under it and, all of a sudden, the car starting coming down and he said,
"Lord, help me, Lord help me!" And the car started rising. The preacher said all of a sudden, "Well, Gоddамn."

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Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

Two friends went for an interview for the same job. One was educated and the other wasn't, so they agreed to help each other. They agreed that the educated one would go first and when he was done, he would give the other the answers to all the questions. The first guy's interview started:
Qn 1:
"When was Tanzania's independence?"
Guy 1:
"It was supposed to be 1960 but it was postponed to 1961 due to many reasons."
Qn 2:
"Who brought independence to Tanzania?"
Guy 1:
"So many participated but it was Mwalimu Nyerere who finalized it."
Qn 3:
"It's believed that in planet Mars, there is life... is it true?"
Guy 1:
"So many people say so, but it has not been scientifically proven."
When he left the interview room, he went straight to his uneducated friend and gave him all the answers. Second guy's interview also started:
Qn 1:
"When were you born?"
Guy 2:
"It was supposed to be 1960 but it was postponed to 1961."
Qn 2:
"What!! Who is your father?"
Guy 2:
"So many participated but it was Mr. Nyere who finalized it."
Qn 3:
"Oh My! Are u CRAZY???"
Guy 2:
"So many say so but it has not been scientifically proven!"

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Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes

Вlоw Job Etiquette (By A Woman)
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don’t care WHAT they did in the роrn video you saw; it is not standard practice to сuм on someone’s face.
4. Extension to rule #3- No I DON’T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule#5- do not push on the top of my head, do you really WANT
Puke on your diск?
7. I don’t care HOW relaxed you get’ it is NEVER OK to fаrт.
8. Having my period does not mean that it’s “hummer week” - get it through your head- I’m bloated and I feel like shiт so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to вlоw you just cos YOU can’t have sеx right now.
9. Extension to #8- “Blue ваlls” might have worked on high school girls- if your that desperate, go wаnк off.
10. If I have to pause to remove a рuвiс hair from my teeth, don’t tell me I’ve just “wrecked it” for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we’re good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn’t particularly taste good. And I don’t care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get вlоw jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up does not mean I have to “kiss it good morning”.
A Man’s Rebuttal
1. First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don’t we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hеll of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word “quееf” mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don’t worry about it and be thankful I’m not pulling your hair.
5. When you’re on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop your вiтсhing and moaning. Suск it up.
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
7. You вiтсh about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the shiт end of the stick in flavour country.
8. At least there is no danger of a diск bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the ваlls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we’ve had better.
11. Caress the аss, too. WE like that.
12. Make hay when the sun shines. It’s “wide awake” in the morning now,but when you get old and fат and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it’ll be “sound asleep”.
13. If you swallow, then you don’t have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Fat Jokes

Patient:
"My problem is too much sleeping. I fall asleep as soon as I enter a bus."
Doctor:
"So what? It is not at all a problem to sleep in a bus."
Patient:
"But who is going to drive it if I'm asleep?"

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man called his doctor and said, “Doctor, I think that my wife has come down with a case of laryngitis.”
“Bring her into the office, then” the doctor said, “and I’ll see what I can do to treat the condition.” “Actually, I was hoping you could tell me how to prolong it.”

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

A веnт-over old lady hobbled into a doctor's office. Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be. A man in the waiting room who had been watching her said in amazement; "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?"
The old lady replied, "He gave me a longer cane!"

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.
The medicine man says, “I can cure this.”
With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, “This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say ‘123,’ and it shall rise for as long as you wish!”
The man then asks, “What happens when it’s over, and I don’t want to continue?”
The medicine man replies, “When your partner can take no more sеx and is completely raddled, all she has to say is ‘1234’, and it will then go down. But be warned, the pork sword will not rise again for another year.”
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says “123” and suddenly he has the most gigantic воnеr,ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks, “What did you say ‘123’ for?”

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

I see you've been noticing my hard work.

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes

Blonde girl goes and signs up at a gym to work out, as she's walking around to see where she wants to start a trainer walks up to her and tells her if this is your first time working out i have to tell you that for the 1st week your body will feel very sore. The girls says, well thanx for the tip ill just go home and start next week then

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

Dr. Burns was disgusted when Frank staggered into his office thoroughly inebriated.
He looked at him severely. “What happened, Frank? I thought we were going to liск this problem by cutting you down to just two drinks a day.” Frank dragged a finger across his chest. “Cross my heart, doc, I-I did as you asked.”
“Impossible. If you had, you wouldn’t be in this shape.”
“No, honestly!” Frank replied. “In fact, when I left here the other day. I went to another doctor for a second opinion - and he prescribed the same thing!”

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man walks into a bar, already drunк, and asks for a drink. "Sorry," the bartender says,
"But you obviously already had a little too much to drink."
Fuming mad the man staggers out the front door and walks back in through the side door. “Can I have a drink please?”
“Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you can’t have a drink here.”
The man staggers out again and then stumbles his way back in through the back door. “Can I please have a drink?”
“Enough!” the bartender screamed. “I told you, no drinks!”
The man looks at the bartender closely and exclaims “Geez! How many bars do you work at?!"

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A turtle was walking through the park when two snails attacked, punched, kicked, and stole his wallet. The police arrived and asked, “What happen to you, were you attacked, were you robbed?” The turtle on his back, bruised, with one eye shut, said "I don't know officer, it happen so Fast"

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

They say a woman’s work is never done.
Maybe that’s why they get paid less.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Sexist Jokes

There was a lady going to the bathroom.
As she was on her way, 2 students followed her eagerly to ask a question.
As she was entering the bathroom one of the students asked her:
"Is this your office Ma'am?"
She answered:
"My office is the other way, this is my other office"

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes

One day a man was driving down the road in his truck. His wife was sitting next to him and he had his arm around her shoulders. A police officer pulled him over because the man did not have both hands on the steering wheel. He received a ticket for unsafe driving but the man felt it was unjust. Hence, he appeared in court to try and fight the ticket. When the Judge asked him why he was not using both hands, the man replied, "Well, your Honor, I needed one hand to drive with." After the Judge composed himself, he dismissed the ticket.

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

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Office and Work Jokes

A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town’s grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

I work to buy a car to go to work.

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes