; ; ; Ollie sees his doctor at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota: “I got a problem. I have a big bowel movement at 6 in da morning every day.” … … Doctor: “That sounds perfectly normal. Why are... ; ;

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Stupid / Dumb Jokes

Ollie sees his doctor at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota: “I got a problem. I have a big bowel movement at 6 in da morning every day.” …
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Doctor: “That sounds perfectly normal. Why are you so worried about it?” …
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Ollie: “Yah, but I don’t vake up until 7.”

A man was granted two wishes by God.
He asked for the best drink and the best woman ever.
He got mineral water and Mother Teresa.

I confess… Here are some clues that tell you I’m from Alabama:
• I think my farts are my best jokes.
• My dog gags when he sees me eat.
• I finally cut the grass on the front lawn and found a car up on cinder blocks.
• My family tree has just one long trunk with no branches.
• Mobile Alabama had an incest contest and I entered my older sister.
• My beard attracts birds.
• I remove my toothpick only for family weddings and group pictures.
• I think of “Fast food” as hitting a possum at 80 mph.

I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so I quickly followed her.
As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus.
So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!”
She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too.
As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, “You dropped your purse on the floor outside outside McDonald’s.
Thank you so much she said, Where is it?
I said, I’ve just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s.

I met a guy today who told me he worked as a limb stretcher.
Turns out the bastard was pulling my leg.

I walked up to the counter in the chemist and just my luck there was a girl serving.
“Erm… Morning,” I said, “I need some erm… God, this is embarrassing…”
“Don’t you worry sir,” she leaned in and whispered reassuringly, “I get this every day!”
I smiled back.
“Condoms?” she said.
“No,” I said.
“Suppositories?” she said.
No, I said.
Tampons?
No.
Well, it can’t be that embarrassing then, sir, she said with a smile.
Paracetamol, I said.
Paracetamol? she gave me a puzzled look. $1.99 please. What’s so embarrassing?
Then I pulled out my little pink purse.

I was talking to my wife today after our son got sent home early from school for swearing.
I said, “Apparently, he said the ‘c’ word.”
She said, “Well that wasn’t clever was it?”
I replied, “No… It was ‘c*nt’.”

This police officer stops this woman on the highway and walks up to her and asks her if she know why he stopped her. …
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“No.”, the woman replies. …
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“Because you don’t have any tail lights”, the police officer told her. So she get out and walks around to the back of the car and starts crying. …
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“It’s just tail lights you don’t need to cry.” …
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“It’s not that, …. uhhh, where is my trailer”

The other day I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions.
I told the lady at the desk that I invented a folding bottle. She asked me what I called it.
“A Fottle,” I said.
“What else do you have?”
“A folding carton.”
“What do you call it?”
“A Farton.”
She sniggered and said, “Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude.”
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

News: Man ‘hid partner’s body in case’
In case of what? Don’t keep us in suspense.

Patient:
“Doctor, I don’t know what’s wrong with me”.
Doctor:
“Take these pills, I don’t know what they’re for”.

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