United airlines jokes

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Look on the bright side, United Airlines. After this incident, you'll never have to worry about a flight being overbooked again.

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Breaking News: In a press media instruction, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has expressed…
“Since we can’t beat our rivals, we have depended on beating our clients”.

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It’s a disgrace Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her coronary episode.
On the off chance that she was on another aircraft there might have been a specialist ready.

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Did you catch wind of the honor United Airlines just got?
They were casted a ballot best in Chinese takeaway!

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United Airlines flight attendant:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at United Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with us today and please be very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be killed by falling luggage that shifted during our so called "touch down."

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"Can someone drag me United style off this gоddамn plane?"
- Passengers on flight where Kenny G gave an impromptu performance.

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Snitches get stitches. And so do our economy class passengers.
#NewUnitedAirlinesMottos

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Get Rich or Die Flying
#NewUnitedAirlinesMottos

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United Airlines - How will we ever recover?
Sean Spicer - Hold my Pepsi

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United Airlines pilot reiterating mask rule.
"Wear it except eating or drinking. And no that does not mean putting a water bottle on your tray for 4 hours and claiming you are drinking."

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At Bozeman airport, a United Airlines reservations agent called in a police officer to deal with Ted Cruz being verbally abusive.
Maybe Senate Judiciary chair Diск Durbin should consider doing the same.

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British Airways passengers hit with delays after IT failure. United Airlines offers to beat the shiт out of them for free.

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United Airlines says any employee who doesn't get vaccinated by Sept 27 will be terminated or put on unpaid leave.
Remember that flight attendant spiel "Your safety is our number 1 priority?"
United's actually acting like it.

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Americans should unite in our hatred of United Airlines.

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United Airlines is requiring all their employees to be vaccinated against the coronavirus.
Now they just need to protect their employees from their passengers.

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United: You don't need a window seat to see stars.
#NewUnitedAirlinesMottos

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United Airlines better call in an expert to help them cover up the мurdеr of a dog.
Hey, Mike Huckabee! You up?

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Republicans are proposing a boycott of United Airlines because of their vaccine mandate.
I'm all for it. If republicans want to really hurt us, they should boycott all airlines. And hotels. And restaurants. And grocery stores. And comedy shows. And elections.

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