Jokes

What is a trees favorite drink?
Root beer!

Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. Both scared, they pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill and says, "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."

God and Adam Are Discussing Women…
Adam says to God, “God, why did you make women so soft?”
God says, “So that you will like them.”
Adam says, “God, why did you make women so warm and cuddly?”
God says, “So that you will like them.”
Adam says to God, “But, God, why did you make them so stupid?”
God says, “So that they will like you.”

How do you know when you honeymoon is over?
When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.

Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: You can see right through them.

Q: What's green and has wheels?
A: Grass, I was lying about the wheels.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Where does the one legged waitress work? The Ihop

Son:
"Dad, there is someone at the door to collect donations for a community swimming pool."
Father:
"Okay, give him a glass of water."

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!