Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Morris the cat and Duke the dog were talking with each other.
Morris:
"What's up Duke? You look like you're in pain."
Duke:
"Mmm er mmme errmmm."
Morris:
"What'd you say? I can't understand you."
Duke (pointing off to the side):
"Uhhhhh mmmm eeeeerrrrruf."
Morris then looks off to the side where he sees his cousin Felix running away with something hanging out of his mouth.
Duke (still pointing):
"Thhhhh eeee rrrrrrf uuuhh!"
Morris:
"Oh, I get it. Cat got your tongue huh?"

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Animal Jokes

An ad at the zoo: ‘Don't scare the ostriches! The floors are concrete!'

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Animal Jokes

Two snakes are slithering around. The first one looks at the second and asks "Hey, are we poisonous?"
The second one replies "No, why?"
The first one says "Whew! Cuz I just bit my lip!"

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Animal Jokes

I lost a valuable Indian Head penny in my yard the other day. Good thing I have my pet bloodhound Barney. I let him outside to try to find it, and good ol' Barney picked up the cent right away!

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Animal Jokes

What kind of animal hates to do it's laundry the most?
A Leopard because it has so many spots.

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Animal Jokes

Q. Why do Pandas have black eyes?
A. Because they can’t satisfy their man.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

Just bought some venison from the supermarket, its dead deer.

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Animal Jokes

I have a pet who is a continual source of personal annoyance and irritation. Truth be told, he really bothers the heck out of me.
I named my pet, "Peeve."

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Animal Jokes

Apparently the worlds laziest fish was discovered last week, it only swims 1 inch per day. The fish lives in the Black Sea, no surprise there!

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Animal Jokes

Apart from Humans, the only animal that enjoys having sеx is a Dolphin…….
I had to shаg a lot of animals to find that out.

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Michael and Timothy had just left the Pub and decided to take a shortcut through O'Leary's farm when they chanced upon O'Leary's prized stallion. Promptly, Timothy raised it's tail, took a quick swipe then applied it to his lips.
Michael, dumbfounded, asked:
"Is horse manure good for chapped lips?"
Timothy replied:
"I don't know, but it sure keeps me from lickin' em!"

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Animal Jokes

A man who worked in a cruise liner as a magician had a parrot and every time the man did a trick the parrot yelled, “it’s in the pocket,”
“it’s in the pocket,” the magician would do another trick and the parrot yelled, “it’s in the hat”, “it’s in the hat.”
One day during his act the cruise liner had a problem and the ship sunk. The parrot came up from the water and looking confused said; “NOW WHERE DID HE HIDE THE SHIP.”

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

One caterpillar to another, as they watch a butterfly:
"You'll never get me up in one of those things."

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Animal Jokes

An old man always had his dog chained up, and one day he decided to take the dog out hunting with him. Since the dog has been chained up for so long it ran for a chance at freedom. The man ran after the dog hoping to catch it. The dog ran over a cliff. The man said,
"Dog gone it."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

I’m not saying the spider I found in my room last night was big, but it was a case of either stamp on the ваsтаrd or start charging it rent.

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Animal Jokes

Two monkeys were discussing evolution:
"You mean to tell me that I really am my keeper's brother?"

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Animal Jokes

How do we know the earth isn't flat?
If it were flat, cats would have already pushed everything off of it.

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Animal Jokes

Did u know doves die after sеx. Well the one I f*cked did.

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes

MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very intelligent.
Mittens, if you’re reading this, please come home.

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Animal Jokes

I think bees teach us an important lesson.
You may be small. You may be tiny. But when you’re chasing somebody with a sharp object… people still run away from you.

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Animal Jokes