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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
It’s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart.
One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
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Animal Jokes
I'm being managed by Don King again
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Animal Jokes
“Have you got any kittens going cheap?” Asked a customer in a pet shop.
“No, sir,” replied the owner. “All our kittens go “Meow.”
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Animal Jokes
A chicken and a goat decided to take a walk.
As they were walking, a car drove past them with speed and splashed some water on them. The chicken took offence and said, “Look at how they drive, like goats!” And the goat replied, “No wonder they die like chickens.”
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Animal Jokes
What is a dentist's favorite Dinosaur? A Flossorapter
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Animal Jokes Dentist Jokes
Go to the animal centre for a dog, and you’re a sаinт.
Go to the woman’s shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind!
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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes
A lady boards the bus with her baby. The bus driver looks at the baby and says "that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen!" The lady finds a seat and she is mad as hеll. She tells the guy in the seat next to her what the mean bus driver said. The guy tells the lady " 'That was really mean! Go up to the bus driver right now and tell him off. I'll be happy to hold your monkey for you".
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Το πιο άσχημο μωρό The baby Το άσχημο μωρό Една жена се качила в автобус с бебето си. Шофьорът казал: В автобусе едет женщина с ребёнком.Заходит пьяный мужик: A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" Uma mulher entra no ônibus com seu filho e o motorista se espanta:,- Nossa, é o bebê mais feio que já vi!,A mulher ouve calada e senta na parte de trás do ônibus. Bufando, desabafa para outro passageiro:,- O motorista me insultou!,E o passageiro recomenda:,- Vá lá... I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then,... Wchodzi kobieta z czarnym dzieckiem na rękach do autobusu. - Fuj, jakie brzydkie dziecko - mówi kierowca autobusu. Kobieta oburzona, ba, wpieniona na maksa siada obok innego pasażera i mówi: - Słyszał pan? Jak tak można. Jaki niekulturalny, jaka... Kommt eine Frau mit ihrem Kind auf dem Arm in den Bus. Sagt der Busfahrer: "Mensch sie haben aber ein häßliches Kind!" Schockiert und immer noch verärgert setzt sich die Frau in den Bus. Ihr... På en buss i London satt en ung kvinna med sin baby i famnen när en berusad man klev på och stannade framför henne. Mannen tittade en lång stund på barnet och sa sedan så högt att alla i bussen... Met haar baby van zes dagen op de arm stapt Annie de bus in. "Dat is de lelijkste baby die ik ooit heb gezien!" zei de chauffeur, waarop Annie woedend achter in de bus plaatsneemt. De man naast... Annie stapt de bus in met haar pasgeboren baby op haar arm. Zegt de buschauffeur: 'Tering! Zo'n lelijk kind heb ik nog nooit gezien!' Annie wordt boos en gaat helemaal achterin de bus zitten. Een... En dame går på en buss med babyen sin. Bussjåføren sier: - Det er den styggeste babyen jeg noen gang har sett. Æsj!. Dama finner seg et sete og setter seg ned, mens hun furter. Hun snur seg til... O femeie cu un copil in brate se urca in autobuz. Soferul Zice: - Aoleu, asta e cel mai urit copil pe care l-am vazut Vreodata. Femeia Se duce in spatele autobuzului si se asaza pe scaun, Spumegind... Een vrouw staat samen met haar baby op de arm te wachten bij een bushalte. Als de bus aan komt en de vrouw instapt zegt de buschauffeur: "Dat is de lelijkste baby die ik ooit heb gezien!" De vrouw... En dame går på bussen med babyen sin, da bussjåføren utbryter: - «Det er den styggeste babyen jeg noen gang har sett. Æsj!» Damen går bak i bussen, setter seg ned og er rasende. «Sjåføren fornærmet... A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took... Kadın bebeğiyle otobüse binerken otobüs şöförü kendini tutamayıp şöyle demiş: - Aman tanrım ne kadar çirkin bir bebek... Kadın sinirle biletini kutuya basmış, en arka tarafa geçmiş, bir adamın... A woman walks onto the Bus with his child. The driver says, "That’s the ugliest child I have seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, “Go say something back. Here,... Uma Senhora estava sentada com o seu filhinho no colo, na poltrona do ônibus, quando chegou um cavalheiro e sentou ao lado dela, quando ele olhou para a criança, ficou espantado e falou: "Virgem... En kvinde kommer ind i en bus med en baby på armen... Chaufføren kigger længe på ungen og udbryder: "Hold da kæft en grim unge" Kvinden sætter sig bagest i bussen, mens hun er ved at koge over af... Moteris su mažu vaiku įlipa į mikroautobusą. Vairuotojas imdamas pinigus, dėbteli į vaiką: - Nieko sau! Tokios baidyklės dar nematęs! Keleivė skubiai pereina į mikroautobuso galą ir susinervinus...
Animal Jokes Gross Jokes Kids Jokes
The male bull elephant is a solitary creature, only joining the herd for mating and courtship.' That's a direct quote from the Discovery Channel. So other than that, he's over here eating, sleeping and pooping, and the rest of the herd is fine with that. You understand? They're not making him go to a Home Depot on a Saturday to get a hinge for a cabinet that's been broken for a year and a half because your brother-in-law's an a**hole.
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Husband: Hi ваве I’ve got you some Asperin for your headache.
Wife: I don’t have a headache.
Husband: Aha, *takes pants off*
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Animal Jokes
Why shouldn't you have a gаy monkey and a gаy squirrel in the same tree?
Because the monkey will go bananas over the squirrel's nuts.
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Animal Jokes
Why did the bumble bee have sticky fur?
Because he used a honey comb.
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Animal Jokes
The California D. O. T found over 200 dead crows on the highways recently and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road кill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah!", not a single one could shout "Bike!".
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Animal Jokes Single People Jokes
Here's a quiz for you!
A man drops a brick from a plane which had 500 bricks. How many are left?
If you got 500, you're correct.
How do you put an elephant in a large fridge? There are 3 steps.
If you got these steps, then you are correct:
1. Open the door
2. Put the elephant in the fridge
3. Close the door
Now, how do you put a ZEBRA in a fridge?
If you got these steps, then you are correct:
1. Open the door
2. Take out the elephant
3. Put the zebra in
4. Close the door
All species of animal (except humans) were at a gathering. However, one species had a missing animal. What was it?
The correct answer is zebra, because it's in the fridge!
A woman needs to cross a river to get to her house. A sign next to the river reads, "DANGER: Alligators! Use boat with caution." The woman swims across the river, and doesn't get injured. Why?
The answer is that the alligators were at the gathering.
After the woman gets on the other side, she dies. Why?
The answer is that the brick from the plane fell on her head.
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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes
A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that's a sweet аss.
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Animal Jokes
A guy walks into a bar and asks, "Who owns that Doberman tied up outside?"
A man replies,
"That's my dog".
"Well," says the first man, "I think my Chihuahua killed him."
"Your CHIHUAHUA killed my Doberman?"
"How'd he do that?" asks the man at the bar.
"I'm not sure. I think he got lodged in his throat".
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
I was in a quandry. My pet cockroach broke a leg tonight.
I thought about taking it to a vet, but you know how expensive vet’s visits are.
Then I had a bright idea! I fastened the leg in place with a roach clip until it heals.
If you are stopping by to help me blaze a joint, could you bring a clip?
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Animal Jokes
Did you ever notice that when you вlоw in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
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Animal Jokes
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
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Animal Jokes
An Anteater walks into a bar….
Bartender says “can I get you a drink?” ….
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo” ….
“How about something to eat?” ….
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo” ….
“What about some peanuts?” ….
“Nooooooooooooooooooooo” ….
Frazzled, the bartender says, “What’s with the long no’s”?
Anteater replies, “I was born with it”.
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Animal Jokes
I've seen a turkey but I've never been to Turkey.
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Animal Jokes
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