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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Girl: Ваве I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean?
*Pulls his head to her thigh*
Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
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Dirty jokes Animal Jokes
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
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Christmas Jokes Animal Jokes
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing:
"All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
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Animal Jokes Christmas Jokes Music and Musician Jokes
A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve.
A hand went up and the kid said, "But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?"
Miss replied, "Stay out of this one, Leroy!"
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School Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
Because it's a mane-lion station.
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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?
After a week he was spotless.
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Animal Jokes
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
How can you tell when a skunk is angry?
It raises a stink.
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Animal Jokes
What band is a соw favorite?
Moody Blues.
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Animal Jokes Music and Musician Jokes
A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm.
He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender.
The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks.
He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom.
Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks.
After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation.
"What's your name?"
He says to one of the ducks.
"Huey," answers the first duck.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great.
Lovely day.
Had a ball.
Been in and out of puddles all day."
"Oh, that's nice," says the bartender.
Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?".
"Dewey," comes the answer.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball.
Been in and out of puddles all day.
If I had the chance, I would do it all again."
So the bartender turns to the third duck and says,
"So, you must be Louie."
"No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
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Animal Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?
He still lacked common and horse!
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.
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Animal Jokes
Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
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Animal Jokes Dog jokes
What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain?
Stegosaur-rust.
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Animal Jokes
"May I buy half a rabbit?"
"No, we don't split hares."
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Animal Jokes
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?
A dandy lion.
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Animal Jokes
What is slimy and wobbly, tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas?
A red jellyfish.
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Animal Jokes
When do rabbits have buck teeth?
When their parents won't get them braces.
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Animal Jokes
What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit?
A rabbit that says,
"Ribbit."
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Animal Jokes
What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin.
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Animal Jokes
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