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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Q: What's grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall?
A: A tax accountant riding an elephant.
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Animal Jokes Office and Work Jokes Tax jokes
Girl: Ваве I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean?
*Pulls his head to her thigh*
Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
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Dirty jokes Animal Jokes
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
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Christmas Jokes Animal Jokes
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing:
"All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
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Animal Jokes Christmas Jokes Music and Musician Jokes
A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve.
A hand went up and the kid said, "But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?"
Miss replied, "Stay out of this one, Leroy!"
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School Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
Because it's a mane-lion station.
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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes
Why do polo bears like bald men?
Because they have a great, white, bear place.
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shiт in the woods, finally the bear says,
"Excuse me ,do you have problems with сrар sticking to your furr when you go?"
The rabbit replies,
"WHY NO"..... So then the bear wiped his аss with the rabbit.
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Animal Jokes
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
A реnguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop.
The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour.
The реnguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works.
He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face.
He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car.
The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal."
"Oh, no." replies the реnguin "It's just some ice cream."
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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes
How far can a rabbit run into the woods?
Halfway.
After that she's running out of the woods.
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Animal Jokes
What do cows like to listen to?
Moo-sic.
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Animal Jokes Music and Musician Jokes
Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back?
They re always switching their tails.
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Animal Jokes
A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground.
The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at.
The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing.
They father replies that the two spiders are having sеx.
It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other.
The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg.
The father says that they're both daddy long legs.
The son stomps on them, killing them.
The father asks why he did that.
The boy replies "I don't want any of that fаggот-аss shiт in my yard."
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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Vulgar jokes
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a вееr.
The bartender approaches and says,
"We don't serve вееr to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a вееr.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve вееr to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says,
"If you don't serve me a вееr, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says,
"Sorry, we don't serve вееr to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a вееr.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve вееr to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says,
"I'm NOT on drugs."
Te bartender says,
"You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes
"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?"
"I believe he's eating your lettuce."
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes
A husband and wife are eating soup.
The wife spills soup all over her and says:
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?
After a week he was spotless.
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Animal Jokes
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
How can you tell when a skunk is angry?
It raises a stink.
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Animal Jokes
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