Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
Knead for Speed.
Why is Santa good at karate?
He has a black belt.
Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
Beast Buy.
What did the snowflake say to the road?
Let’s stick together.
Why did the turkey join a band?
So he could use his drumsticks.
What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
Figure skating.
Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
Beast Buy.
What did the snowflake say to the road?
Let’s stick together.
Why did the turkey join a band?
So he could use his drumsticks.
What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
Figure skating.
What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?
The glitterbug.
Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
Because they always make-up
Via GIPHY
Where do roses sleep at night?
In their flowerbed
Why was the show bad at gymnastics?
She was a flip-flop
What should you wear to a tea party?
A t-shirt
What’s rain’s favorite accessory?
A rainbow
Where does a sink go dancing?
The Dish-co
What’s a princess’s favorite time?
Knight time.
Why did the Genie get mad?
Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread?
A bun.
What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
Hip hop.
What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
Shop ‘til they hop.
Via GIPHY
How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
She nailed it.
What is corn’s favorite music?
Pop.
Why can’t Monday lift Saturday?
It’s a weak day.
Why was the politician out of breath?
He was running for office.
What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element?
Goooooooooooold!
Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
Pennsylvania.
Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
Inside.
Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
He forgot his lawsuit.
Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
He crashed the computer
Via GIPHY
What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
An eyeball.
What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
Shells.
What time of year do people get injured the most?
In the fall.
Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
Because he knew he would pass.
Why did the musician throw away her table?
Because it was flat.
Why didn’t the farmer’s son study medicine?
Because he wanted to go into a different field?
What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?
Pi
Why was the princess in the emergency r
Animal Jokes
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sеx. Now, Sеx has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sеx.
He said,
"I would like to have one too!"
Then I said,
"But she is a dog!"
He said he didn't care what she looked like.
I said,
"You don't understand. ... I have had Sеx since I was nine years old."
He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sеx at the wedding.
He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.
I said,
"But Sеx has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sеx."
He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.
I told him everyone would enjoy having Sеx at the wedding.
The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sеx.
He said that every room in the motel is a place for sеx.
I said,
"You don't understand. ... Sеx keeps me awake at night."
The clerk said,
"Me too!"
One day I entered Sеx in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away.
Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.
I told him that I was going to have Sеx in the contest.
He said that I should have sold my own tickets.
"You don't understand," I said,
"I hoped to have Sеx on TV."
He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.
I said,
"Your Honor, I had Sеx before I was married but Sеx left me after I was married."
The Judge said,
"Same here!"
Last night Sеx ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning.
I said,
"I'm looking for Sеx." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more dамn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.
Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sеx has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely."
And the doctor said,
"Look mister, you should understand that sеx isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."
Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes
La moglie chiede al marito: "Perché il gatto sembra ubriaco?" E lui risponde: "Perché mi hai detto di dargli il whisky" Allora la moglie si mette a urlare e dice: "Whiskas luigi, ho detto whiskas!" - Chéri, viens vite voir! Regarde notre chat. On dirait qu'il est bourré! Que lui arrive-t-il ? - Ben, c'est toi-même qui m'a demandé de lui donner un bol de whisky! - Mais non, idiot. Je t'ai dit... - Lskling, vad är det för fel pà katten? Den är ju helt borta - Det vet jag inte. Jag gav den lite whiskey, precis som du sa att jag skulle... - Jag sa whiskas, din korkskalle!
Animal Jokes