Blonde Jokes - Page 47

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife nакеd on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy!
Daddy!
Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally nакеd, cowering on the closet floor.
You rotten ваsтаrd, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around nакеd scaring the kids!!!

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A policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver’s license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver’s license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, “It’s that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment.”
“Ah,” she says as she bends over to get it.
While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his соск out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up.
A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, “Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!”

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Sports Jokes Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke.
The trick is that they must not laugh.
The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hеll.
The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs.
Finally, it’s the blondes turn.
She gets all the way to the 99th step before she laughs.
God asks her, “You were so close, why did you laugh?” and she responds, “I just got the first joke!”

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God Jokes Blonde Jokes

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice.
He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days.
"Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then skip the third day."
So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day.
The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is your diet?"
She said,
"Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me really tired."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

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Blonde Jokes

There was a burning building with a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde at the top.
The firemen are yelling to the redhead to jump into a blanket and she jumps off the building and right as she was about to safely hit the blanket they moved it and she dies.
They yell to the brunette to jump but she says,"No I saw what you did to the redhead"!
They shout we don't like redheads!
So the brunette jumps and sure enough they move the blanket and she dies.
Then they shout to the blonde to jump off into the blanket.
But the blonde says,"no I saw what you did to them"!
They shout we don't like them! The blonde then says,
"I don't trust you guys, put the blanket on the ground and step back!"

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Blonde Jokes

What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
"How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions).

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Blonde Jokes

Did you hear about the smart blonde? You won't either.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

There was a blonde, a brunete,and a red head. they all walked into a bar for a drink. The bar tender said,"i have a magical mirror any thing you think you are. You tell the mirror and if its true you will become it even more of what you wished for. But if not the mirror will suск you up." so the brunet goes in and said "i think im the prettyest girl in the world."with that the mirror said "you are." so she became prettyer than everyone in the world. Then the red head went in and said "i think im the richest girl in the world." the mirror said" you look very rich you now are the richest girl in the world."the blonde went in and said "i think"and with that the mirror gobbeld her up. The two girls left said "why did the mirror swollow her up?"the man said" because she said that she thought and thats a lie."

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Blonde Jokes

What do you call a blonde at the bottom of a pool? Air bubble.........

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Three Blonds are walking down the street when they see some tracks. The first one said "I think they are dog tracks", The second one said "I think they are соw tracks". The third one said "I think they are Dodo bird tracks". What happened next? They all got hit by a train!

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Blonde Jokes Dog jokes

Why did the blonde have trouble in the ladies' room?
She is not used to pulling her own pants down.

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Blonde Jokes

Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

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Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes

A blond gave birth to two twins and continously crying.
A nurse asks her what's the problem.
She replies,"I don't know with whom I have the second baby..."

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Blonde Jokes Nurse jokes

Why is a blonde like a turtle?
They both get fuскеd up when they're on their backs.

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Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “green side up!”
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “green side up!”
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “green side up!”
The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sоd across the street.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

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Blonde Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."

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School Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: What did the blonde say when she was offered a position at the UN?
A: "Would that be a missionary position?"

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Blonde Jokes

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes