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Christmas Jokes

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And who brings presents to little sharks who’ve been good the whole year?
Santa Jaws!
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Christmas Jokes
In the morning of Christmas Eve, a lady rummages through the last remaining turkeys in the supermarket freezer.
“Do they get any вiggеr by any chance?” she asks the shop assistant with a sigh.
He looks at her for a while and says, “No madam, they are quite dead.”
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Christmas Jokes
Do you want to know if there really is a Santa? Simply light a good fire on Christmas Eve.
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Christmas Jokes
What do snowmen do in their spare time?
They’re just chilling.
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Christmas Jokes
What does a bald guy say when you give him a comb for Christmas?
Oh thanks… I shall never part with it.
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Christmas Jokes
What is any parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
Silent Night.
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Christmas Jokes
Which type of donuts does Santa prefer?
The ones with the hо-hо-hole.
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Christmas Jokes
A good sign for a toy shop at Christmas: We speak hо-hо-hо here!
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Christmas Jokes
What can you give away at Christmas and yet still keep?
Measles, for instance.
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Christmas Jokes
Santa once lost his undiеs. That is when the tradition of calling him Sаinт Knickerless started.
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Christmas Jokes
How do reindeer amuse themselves during the long year?
They play stable-tennis.
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Christmas Jokes
Doctor, I can’t get rid of the idea that I’m a Christmas веll, please help!
Very well, take these pills twice daily and if they don’t work, give me a ring.
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Christmas Jokes
Advent calendars are an inspiration to us all. They are so jolly – and yet their days are numbered…
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Christmas Jokes
Нова Година. Дядо Коледа раздава подаръци. Кофти график, бърза като луд, няма време... На Нова Година, Дедо Мраз ги испорачува подароците. Брза како луд да стигне на време, испотен се протнува низ еден оџак и што да види. W pewne Boże Narodzenie św. Mikołaj wychodzi z komina i zostaje zaskoczony przez 19- letnią blondynkę. Ona mówi: - Św. Mikołaju, zostaniesz ze mną? - Ho, ho, ho - rzekł św. Mikołaj - muszę... De Kerstman glijdt door de schoorsteen heen. Als hij beneden aankomt ziet hij een blote vrouw op bed liggen. Hij denkt:als ik iets met haar doe kan ik niet naar de hemel. Maar als ik niets met haar... Moş Crăciun intră pe horn într-o casă şi nimereşte în dormitorul unei tinere superbe, care dormea goală în pat. Nehotărît, începe să se plimbe de colo-colo prin încăpere, zicînd: - Dacă o fac, nu... Der Weihnachtsmann steigt durch den Kamin ins Wohnzimmer. Plötzlich sieht er eine wunderschöne, splitternackte Blondine vor sich stehen. Sie lächelt ihn verführerisch an. Dann denkt sich der... Der Weihnachtsmann, als er das nackte Mädchen auf dem Sofa findet: "Tu ichs, komme ich nicht wieder in den Himmel. Tu ichs nicht, komme ich nicht wieder durch den Kamin." C’est le Père Noël qui descend par la cheminée dans une maison, et là… surprise, il y a une super nana, nue, lascivement étendue sur un divan et qui lui fait de l’œil. Le Père Noël marmonne : - «...
Santa Claus climbs down a chimney into the family living room and wow, there’s an amazing, fully nакеd blonde woman. She winks at him meaningfully.
Santa clutches his head, “If I do it, no way will I make it to heaven. If I don’t do it, no way will I make it back up the chimney!”
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Christmas Jokes
Jedi knights have an extra advantage at Christmas. They can feel the presents.
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Christmas Jokes
“Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!” Ogden Nash
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Christmas Jokes
Zwischen den Feiertagen Zwischen Weihnachten und Silvester If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays. Ham: Hej, jeg synes du har meget pæne ben, er det i orden jeg kalder dem jul og påske? Hende: Ja? Ham: Hva’ så med at invitere mig på ferie mellem højtiderne? If Thanksgiving is your left leg and Christmas is your right leg, can I visit between the holidays?
Hey girl, if your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I сuм between the holidays?
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Christmas Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Pick-Up Lines Jokes
Three men die and meet Peter at the pearly gates. Three men are killed in an auto accident on Christmas Eve and ascend to heaven, where they’re met by Saint Peter. “In order to get in,” he tells them, “you must each produce something... Three men had been at a wild office party and died in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They soon found themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. But before they could pass, Saint... Three men wait at the gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. They're told they have to present a Christmas gift to get in. The first man checks his pockets and finds pine needles from his family's tree....
Three men all die on Christmas Day and arrive at the pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all evil men who should go to hеll, but because it's Christmas, he'll let them into heaven if they have something representing the holiday with them. One of the guys has a Christmas ornament, and gets let in. Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let in. The third guy pulls out a pair of раnтiеs. "How do those represent Christmas?" asks Peter. "These are Carol's."
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Men jokes Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes
A little boy wants a bike for Christmas really badly, but the kid is a real bad seed, and he knows it. He writes a letter to Jesus. "Dear Jesus, if I get a bike for Christmas, I'll be good for a whole week." He thinks about it, crosses out what he wrote, and says,
"I can't be good for a whole week, I'll be good for five days." He crosses that out and writes, "I'll be good for four days." Then he thinks again and says,
"Can't do that." He gets down to one day and says,
"I can't even be good for a day." Then in frustration, goes in his mother's room and get the statue of the Virgin Mary, wraps it up in a blanket, puts it in a paper bag, throws it in the closet and says,
"Dear Jesus, if I don't get a bike for Christmas, you'll never see your mother again!"
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Religion jokes Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes
You might be a redneck if you use old Skoal cans for Christmas decorations
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Redneck jokes Christmas Jokes
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