Dad Jokes - Page 27

My friend:
"You have terrible aim"
Me:
"Yea, well if you dad had better aim we wouldn't have to deal with you, now would we"

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SON: How does a vаginа looks likes, dad?
DAD: Well, it's pink, soft,tight.
SON: How about after sеx?
DAD: Have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise?

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

A little girl and a little boy are sitting in the sand pit.
They are showing their private parts.
They both ask each other "what is it?"
They both replied "I don't know?"
So that same day when the boy went home he asked his dad what it was his dad said "It's a red farahri you can park it in any pink garage."
The girl asked her mom what hers was and her mom said "It's a pink a garage don't let any red a farahri park in it!"
The next day the girl came home with blood all over her hands.
Her mom said "whats that?"
Girl: Blood!"
Mom:
"From what?"
Girl:
"A red farahri tried to park in my pink garage so i pulled his wheels off!"

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Playing I spy with my dad when I was younger:
Dad: I spy something gray.
Little sister: Your hair!
Dad: I spy something adopted!

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Dad Jokes

A kid went to the police department to report about his stolen bicycle.
OFFICER: Are you suspicious about anyone who would steal it?
KID: My parents, I guess. Because in the night I heard dad saying:
"Нuмр on it before Derek wakes up!"

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Police Officer Jokes Dad Jokes

Son - "Dad, I'm gаy."
Dad - "I had sеx with your mom."
Son - "Huh?"
Dad - "Sorry, I thought we were talking about things that were stupidly obvious."

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Insult Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

A girl has a sleepover with 3 guys. Then her dad comes down and paints her vаginа purple. He tells the boys,"I'm going to sleep. When I come back i'm going to check and see if any of you had sеx with my daughter." An hour later, he wakes up and checks everybody. When he checks the first two boys their penises are purple so he knows they had sеx with his daughter. When he checks the last guy his diск is clean. The dad says "Good job."
When the third boy opens his mouth to say thanks, his mouth is purple!

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

Mother said to the father "please have a word our son, I found a stack of роrnо magazines under his bed."
The father walks into the son's bed room "Son you must stop looking at роrnо magazines, they'll make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad".

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Dad Jokes

A kid has a shower with his mom and says dont look up so he does and said mommy whats that the mum said the garage sweetie
The next day the kid has a shower with his dad and the dad said dont look up so he did and he said whats that daddy the dad said the harley
That night the kid sleeps in his mom and dads bed and the dad comes in a says copme on time to move i have to park the harley in the garage and the little boy said i just did that daddy

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Ok, first date, don't sсrеw this up.
Girl: So where are you from?
Me: My dad's nuts; ever been there?
Damn it!

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Dad Jokes

Dad: Hey son, how much feet do two chickens have?
Son: Four.
Dad: How much teeth do two cats have?
Son: I dunno.
Dad: Strange, you know more about соск than рussy.

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

“So”, thundered Larry’s furious father, “you’ve been expelled from college, have you?
“Yes, Dad. I am a fugitive from a brain gang.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

"Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son. When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

It's dinner time. Mom tell her 4 year old son to give a call to his dad to get home early for dinner together.
Mom:
"Son, please give your father a call and tell him to come back early, we'll having dinner together"
Son:
"Yes ,mom."
A moment later... Dialing...
Son:
" Mom... Someone had pick up the call... But..."
Mom:
"But what?"
Son:
"It sounds like a..."
Mom:
"Any problem with that?"
Son:
"No mom..."
Mom:
"So?"
Son:
"Hmm..."
Mom:
"Make sure tell your dad to come back early..."
Son:
"Yeah... But... That's not dad, is... A women's voice..."
Mom:
"What!!!"
His mom getting angry with this... Soon,daddy went home.
Dad:
"Hey darling,I'm back..."
Mom(angry):
"Make sure to clean yourself first! Don't try to lie in this family!!!"
Dad:
"Hey??? What I've done....?"
They argue for a long time... Dad goes straight to his room and mom sits on the sofa.
After a while...
Son:
"Mom, please don't angry..."
Mom:
"Your father betrayed us, he had another women... (mom crying)
Son:
"Don't cry mom, father won't leave us and the women told me to try later..."
Mom:
"Gosh!!! what else she told you?"
Son: She told me that, "The number you've dial is out of coverage, please try later."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

My dad drives so slow that when we're on the highway, Amish people give us the finger.

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God Jokes Dad Jokes

As soon as that baby hits, you get these scary mailings that says stuff like, 'Congratulations, new dad! Now, what about life insurance, disability, college fund? What if they get sick, Dad? Think of the future, Dad.' So I did -- I got a vasectomy.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes

Fаggот: Your Gay
Me: There is nothing wrong with being gаy, just ask your dad.

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Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

Girl: Daddy, how are babies made?
Dad: Daddy plants a seed in mommy's tummy.
Girl: Does she swallow the seed?
Dad: Only if she wants new shoes.

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

A young polar bear asks his father, "Dad, am I 100% Polar Bear"
The father bear responds, "Well, son, I am all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your grandparents, even your great grandparents are 100% polar bear. So yes, son, you are 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?"
The young polar bear replies "Because I am really cold!"

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Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

Dad:
"What happened to your eye?"
Tom:
"I was staring at a ball from afar, and I was wondering why it was getting вiggеr and вiggеr. Then, it hit me."

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Sports Jokes Dad Jokes