Dirty jokes - Page 136

One of the things I was worried about: moving in with my wife. I was worried that it wouldn't be as fun as living with my roommates because they used to play practical jokes on me. It was such a blast. But my wife is just as much fun. She has this great trick she plays on me: I come home, and she's in bed with this guy named Jeff. I assume he's an actor, just for the joke -- and it's great -- I come in, and she's like, 'Oh my God, you're home! What the hеll are you doing here?' And then I leave. She's so funny. You guys don't think she's cheating on me do you?

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The longer I let her
Harder the better
More blowing and funny
Equals more money
Where to get fed
In the couch or bed
Bed seems nice
Couch has mice
And they will bite
My diск is in fright
But it's already occupied So fuск off and die

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Money jokes Dirty jokes

I tried to talk this girl into it. I was like, 'Hey girl, let's make one of those sеx tapes.' She’s like, 'That sounds good, Dave. We just got to get somebody else to play your part.'

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

My wife loves to scream when having sеx.. especially after I walk in on her.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I can bring you to a full boil!

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Dirty jokes

Fisherman: I think i got it.
Other Fisherman: What did u get?
Fisherman: Its the МАSТЕRВАТЕ!

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Dirty jokes

Roses are red. Nuts are round. Skirts go up. Раnтiеs go down. Belly to belly. Skin to skin. When it's stiff, stick it in

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Dirty jokes

I couldn't believe he came out of the closet at the reunion. 'Cause that's not coming out of the closet anymore, that's coming out of the apartment.

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Dirty jokes

Teacher: You have a D young man. What do u have to say for your self?
Me:I know I have a D, just ask your daughter.
Teacher: What!?!?
Me:What?

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

A white guy woke up in a cell with an Asian man and a black man. None of them had any idea what was going on. All of a sudden a mysterious man appears in front of them and says,
"If all of your diск lengths combined can reach exactly 1 foot, I'll let you all go. If not, I'll кill you all" All 3 men pulled down their pants and put their diскs together, the white guy had 4 inches, the black guy had 6 inches and the Asian guy had 2 inches. The man then let them go. As they were leaving the cell, the white guy said,
"You guys are lucky I'm white." The black said "No way! You guys are lucky I'm black!" And then the Asian guy yelled "You guys are lucky I had a воnеr!"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

Guy goes to a doctor complaining that he can't tell the difference between his рее and his еjасulате. Doctor says,
"Your problem is that you don't know if you're coming or going".

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

If you're a white guy and you're sleeping with a black girl, there's only one way you know if you're putting it down like you should. Don't listen to 'Oh, you're the biggest. You're the best.' Don't listen to that -- she says that to everybody. Don't listen to that. The only way you know is, in the middle of sеx, she grabs the back of your head, looks you dead in the face, and calls you the n-word. When you can make her аss forget you're white, that's when you know you're putting it down.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

By 'long term,' I mean you're having sеx with the same person twice a week with no соndом.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Roxanne Pulitzer: sеx scandal, Florida. William Kennedy Smith: sеx scandal, Florida. Рее-Wee Herman: sеx scandal, Florida. Now, if you look at Florida on a map -- now, Florida's lucky to be in warm water, too, because Maine has a peninsula, also, and it's not nearly that size.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I tried to stop the first day or two of our marriage, and I promise you, my nuts ballooned quicker than Oprah in a Krispy Kreme.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

Yesterday night, i was having sеx with my girlfriend, but she was calling some other guy's name the entire time...
Anyone know who this "rаре" guy is?

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

12 year old girl to 15 year old girl: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i've had sеx with 12 guys and you haven't?!?! and you're fifteen?! LOL
15 year old girl to 12 year old girl: atleast my vаginа is not like a skittle; letting every guy taste your disgsting old, smelly vagina
12 year old girl to 15 year old girl: HOLD UP! how'd you know it's smelly? hmm?
15 year old girl to 12 year old girl: every guy said so. Oh! and you've had MUCH MORE ваlls in your muth than hungry hungry hippo

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A 17 year old boy grew up living under the conception of an Idol player call Bjorn Borj. Who was a swedish word champion tennis player, the boy evidently grew into a man but still loved Bjorn Borj to the extent of wearing his shirts and under wears as well as posters. When he got married his wife decided to surprise him by going to a tattoo artist and getting the Abbreviation of his tennis hero on her аss. On each cheek she had a big B, at that very night she went home and removed her underwears facing her аss to the door, so when her Husband would come in he would immediately see it. As he entered he looked at her аss and said "who the fuск is BOB?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

A guy walks into a bar, and sees 50 bucks on the counter, and asks what its for. A guy walks up yo him and said,
"If you can make my donkey laugh I'll give you this money. Leaves the room and comes back, and the donkey is cracking up, he takes the money then leaves. Comes back the next day and sees 100 bucks on the counter, the guy said if you can make my donkey laugh I'll give you this money. He leaves the room and comes back and the donkeys balling. How did you do this? The guy replies "well yesterday I told him my diск was вiggеr then his and today I proved it." -takes the money and leaves-

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Money jokes Dirty jokes

I ran out of money to pay a рrоsтiтuте the other day, luckily I had a shovel.

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Money jokes Dirty jokes