Medical and Doctor Jokes

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Психиатър към пациент: Психиатър към пациент: Психиатър към пациент: Психиатър към бивш пациент: Der Mann, der gerade aus der Heilanstalt entlassen worden ist, traurig:"Ich bin so deprimiert. Gestern war ich noch Napoleon und heute bin ich ein Nichts, ein Niemand..." - Jest Pan już całkowicie normalny - żegna psychiatra pacjenta opuszczającego szpital po długiej kuracji. - Cóż to? Nie cieszy się Pan? - A z czego mam się cieszyć, doktorze? Trzy lata temu to ja... Una psiquiatra felicita a su paciente por el progreso en el tratamiento. El paciente: - ¿A eso usted llama progreso? Hace seis meses yo era Napoleón, y ahora no soy nadie... - Un an întreg de tratament la psihiatru, pe banii statului, făcut degeaba! - Păi nu te-ai vindecat? - Depinde ce înţelegi tu prin vindecat: acum un an mă credeam Napoleon, iar acum sunt un......
Medical and Doctor Jokes
A guy and a girl met at a bar.
They started getting along really well and they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink.
A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands.
He then took off his socks and washed his hands.
The girl looked at him and said,
"You must be a dentist!"
Flabbergasted, the guy responded,
"Why yes. That's amazing. How did you determine that?"
The woman replied, "Easy... you keep washing your hands."
Well, one thing led to another, and they migrated to the bed. Things became more and more passionate and... (*snip*)
After their passionate deed was done the woman remarked,
"You must be a GREAT dentist!"
The guy was very surprised, and said 'Yes! Yes! I sure am a great dentist... You amaze me! And how did you know THAT, my dear?
His lover said,
"That's easy. I didn't feel a thing."
Двама били заедно, на сутринта дамата пита: Анестезиолог The Doctor's Convention Von Beruf Anästhesist Ο καταδρομέας.. но отдыхе он и она толком не успели познакомиться, но уже оказались... Un homme et une femme se rencontrent dans un bar. Ils discutent un peu et puis comme cela arrive dans la vie, ils décident d'aller chez la femme. Срещат се двама в бара, хихо-хахо, айде на "кафе". Утро. Южный приморский город. Курортный роман. Интеллигентная пара (за 40) проснувшись, принимает водные процедуры. Une femme et un homme font l'amour. Après l'acte sexuel, l'homme demande : A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist” The guy,... C'est un séminaire médical. Au cours d'un des nombreux banquets prévus, un médecin homme repère un médecin femme. Ils font connaissance, et elle accepte un rendez-vous pour un dîner au restaurant en tête à tête. Au restaurant, avant de s'asseoir à la... De båda läkarna hade träffats på en kongress. Han var från Göteborg och hon var från Stockholm. De åt middag tillsammans och fortsatte i baren för att avsluta kvällen på hans hotellrum och i hans... W czasie stosunku siostra dyżurna mówi do lekarza dyżurnego: - Panie doktorze, pan to chyba jest anestezjolog! - Zgadza się, skąd pani to wie? - odparł lekarz. Na to siostra: - Bo nic nie czuję! Buen dentista Un chico y una chica se encuentran en un bar. Se llevan tan bien que deciden ir a un lugar más privado, al apartamento de ella. Un par de copas más tarde, el chico se quita la camisa... Two doctors are having s*x, he says to her, "You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after." She replies, "Well you must be an anesthetist, because I didn't feel a f*cking thing!" De mødte hinanden på en bar og vågnede op i samme seng. Jeg ved hvad du laver sagde pigen, du er pædagog. Ja, men hvordan vidste du det? På dit lilla undertøj. Nå sagde han, så må du jo være... Due medici dopo un congresso scopano a letto. Alla fine lui dice: “Dall’abilita’ delle tue mani scommetto che sei ginecologa!”. Lei: “E tu anestesista!”. “Ma come fai a dirlo?”. Lei: “Non ho... Despues de hacer el amor ella le pregunta a el: - Papi tu eres anesteciologo?- El sorprendido dice: - Si,xq lo preguntas?- - Xq yo no senti un ****- Jajaja Efter sexualakten säger söta Sara: - Du Klas. Är du narkosläkare eller....? Klas: - Nej, hurså? Söta Sara: - Jag kände ju för fasen ingenting... Un couple a fait l'amour pour la première fois. Après tout ça, le mec demande à sa copine qui va se laver les mains : - Dis-moi, tu voudrais être infirmière plus tard ? - Non. Pourquoi ? - Parce... Nākamajā rītā pēc pirmās nakts. Viņa: ?Kāda īsti ir tava profesija?? Viņš: ?Anesteziologs.? Viņa: ?Tagad skaidrs, kāpēc es neko nejutu.? Σε ένα συνέδριο γιατρών ένας άντρας και μια γυναίκα κοιτάζονται επίμονα. Ο άντρας της προτείνει να πάνε για δείπνο και αυτή δέχεται. Στο εστιατόριο αυτή ζητάει συγγνώμη και πηγαίνει να πλύνει τα...
Medical and Doctor Jokes Dentist Jokes
Three fathers are talking about their sons. The first father says,
"My sons a successful doctor. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a Lamborghini". The second father said,
"My sons a successful hedge fund manager. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a yacht". The third father says,
"My sons the CEO of a big company. He's so rich he just bought his best friend a castle". Right then, a fourth father walks in and asks what they're talking about. The other three fathers say, "we're talking about our successful sons, what does yours do?" The fouth father says,
"Well my sons a gаy stripper." The other three fathers say, "oh wow, you must be really disappointed." The fourth father replies with, "well not really, he's doing really well. His three boyfriends just bought him a Lamborghini, a yacht, and a castle."
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sеx. Now, Sеx has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sеx.
He said,
"I would like to have one too!"
Then I said,
"But she is a dog!"
He said he didn't care what she looked like.
I said,
"You don't understand. ... I have had Sеx since I was nine years old."
He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sеx at the wedding.
He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.
I said,
"But Sеx has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sеx."
He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.
I told him everyone would enjoy having Sеx at the wedding.
The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sеx.
He said that every room in the motel is a place for sеx.
I said,
"You don't understand. ... Sеx keeps me awake at night."
The clerk said,
"Me too!"
One day I entered Sеx in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away.
Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.
I told him that I was going to have Sеx in the contest.
He said that I should have sold my own tickets.
"You don't understand," I said,
"I hoped to have Sеx on TV."
He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.
I said,
"Your Honor, I had Sеx before I was married but Sеx left me after I was married."
The Judge said,
"Same here!"
Last night Sеx ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning.
I said,
"I'm looking for Sеx." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more dамn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.
Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sеx has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely."
And the doctor said,
"Look mister, you should understand that sеx isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."
Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes