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Food Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him:
- Do you smoke?
- No.
- Do you drink?
- No.
- Do you eat fast food?
- No.
- Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...

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Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Why did the dolphin feel crabby?
Because he ate too many сrавs.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

This black woman was vastly overweight, and I mean MASSIVE and she went to see the doctor about her weight.
She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?"
The doctor replies,
"Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!"
She says,
"WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?"
The doctor says,
"Next time your ordered food."

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

How is cat food sold?
Usually purr can!

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

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Food Jokes

"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?"
"Sure, why do you ask."
"I was going to offer you some toast."
"How kind of... I'll accept."
"Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger."
"You're right about that!"
"Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes

Q: Why did the fат turkey cross the road?
A: To get hit by my car.

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Food Jokes Car and driving jokes

Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?
He was already stuffed!

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

Why do lions always eat raw meat?
"Because they don't know how to cook."

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever -- since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones.
Extending the dolphins' lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat.
So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some.
On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through a forest.
In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion.
He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman.
"Officer," he said,
"What's going on?"
"You're under arrest," said the policeman.
"But why?" he asked.
The policeman replied, "For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Lays сhiрs claims "No one can eat just one".
Wrong.
Chuck Norris ate ONE, laughed then ate a whole bag of Doritos.

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Q:Why don't giraffes like fast food?
A:Because they can't catch it!

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Chuck Norris once made an omelette from a Fabergé egg.

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Yo mama so fат she puts insurance on her food.

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Food Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water?
I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.

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Food Jokes Dirty jokes

Q. What do you call a fake noodle?
A. An Impasta!

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Food Jokes Kids Jokes Communication Jokes

Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

I can teach you how to handle a cucumber.

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Food Jokes Dirty jokes