Good jokes

Newest jokes in this category

A fluffy bunny walks along a lovely meadow when suddenly a big bear’s head peeks through the grass and asks, “Do you shed, Bunny?”
The fluffy bunny proudly smiles, “No, no I don’t.”
The bear reaches for the fluffy bunny, with one swift sтrоке wipes his behind with it and nods, “But you stink real bad!”

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Good jokes

A stutterer walks in to a doctor’s office and says, “Doc-c-c-tor, my s-s-s-stuttering is a real p-p-pain in the n-n-neck, please help.”
The doctor examines him and finally finds the root of the problem:
“Well, Mr Denby, the thing is, your рескеr is too big and takes up too much blood that would normally go in the brain. We have to operate and take at least a half of it off.”
A month after the operation the stutterer comes back for a check-up and sighs, “Doctor, it really helped my stuttering and that is a relief. But my wife is very unhappy with the situation. Could the amputated bit be sewn back on, please?”
Doctor:
“Sorry, but n-n-n-n-no.”

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Good jokes

Computer parts talk to one another:
“Look, I’m like the human brain,” says the microchip.
“Oh yeah, and I am like the eye,” says the web cam.
“Wow, I never thought about it but I am like a mouth,” says the speaker.
“Alright, let’s change the subject, shall we,” says the USB port.

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Good jokes

Water starts boiling at 212 F. But do you know when milk starts boiling?
The second you leave it for a little while.

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Good jokes

So I’m sitting on a bus and a guy rushes out and seems to have forgotten his hat on his seat.
The door’s just about to close but I just make it in time to throw his hat out to him.
Now I have to sit through two more stops trying to ignore some very angry stares from the guy who actually owned the hat.

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Good jokes

An almost hysterical man calls 911 and yells, "Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her labor started now, it’s really intense!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.
"No you duмваss! It’s her husband!"

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Good jokes

Three guys are discussing which profession was the first in history.
The Mason claims, “Masons were the first. Without us, there’d be no houses.”
The baker argues, “No, no, people ate bread before they had houses. We were the first.”
The electrician smiles, “Wait a sec. Wasn’t the first thing God said ‘Let there be light?’”

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Good jokes

Office meeting. A gathering that wastes hours, yet keeps minutes.

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Good jokes

I’m a pro at sleeping. I could do it with my eyes closed.

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Good jokes

My children kept making fun of my sense of direction. It got a bit too much after half an hour so I just got up and right.

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Good jokes

What is the one language that’s never spoken and yet is not a dead language?
Sign language.

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Good jokes

I thought somebody was wolf-whistling at me as I went running.
But it was just my lungs.

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Good jokes

My dad firmly believed laughter was the best medicine.
His faith didn’t shake even after two of us died of untreated pneumonia.

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Good jokes

Thesaurus – a place to find a clever-sounding replacement for a word people would otherwise actually understand.

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Good jokes

In the middle of the night a boy comes running into his parent’s bedroom, “Dad, dad, I can’t sleep, there’s a man in my room!”
Daddy looks at the boy and says, “Come on, why you waked us up – if I come to your room now and there’s a scary guy then I won’t be able to sleep.”

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Good jokes

“Does the defendant plead guilty or not guilty?”
“Not guilty.”
“Do you have some alibi?”
“What’s an alibi?”
“Has somebody seen you at the time of the robbery?”
“Oh, nobody, thank God.”

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Good jokes

I heard people say you can’t live without love.
I still think oxygen ranks higher.

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There’s no pleasing my wife. She said, could I clear the table. Though I haven’t done much sports lately, I managed with a good reserve of 2 inches and she wasn’t even happy.

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Good jokes

Lenin has never been seen drinking black tea. He firmly stuck to fruit blends. He believed all proper tea is immoral.

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Good jokes

How come there’s so much month left at the end of the money?

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Good jokes