Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes

What is the definition of cheeky?
Pissing through your next-door neighbor's letter box, then a few minutes later ringing their doorbell and asking how far it went!

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Gross Jokes

Did you know that, in German, ‘gross’ means large? That’s what my German girlfriend said when she first saw my реnis. I’ve also found that non-German women also use this word quite a lot.

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Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

What do you call a fаrт?
A тurd honking for the right of way.

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Gross Jokes

A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town’s grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Depressed? Keep your сhin up! Because when u have it down it makes it look like u have 2 of them and its pretty gross.

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Gross Jokes Insult Jokes

How does one human embryo talk to another human embryo?
It uses a stem cell phone.

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Gross Jokes

What's grosser than gross?
Giving your grandmother оrаl sеx. And then hitting your head on the coffin lid.

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Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sex Jokes

It was the first day of school after summer vacation.
The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.
THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.
The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.
After about a minute or so, he spoke...
"From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom.
You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework.
Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.
The first one is "gross"
And the other one is "cool"
Are there any questions?"
After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand,
And the teacher calls upon him.
In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks...
"So, what are they?"

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Gross Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes

What's the difference between a urethra and a garden hose?
Well, let me tell you, there's a vas deferens...

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Gross Jokes

Sometimes I wonder What the fuск was going on in the head of the first person to look at a соw, squeeze the gross pink things, watch a thick, white liquid come out, and announce," I'm gonna drink that".

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Gross Jokes

Guy:
" Wanna here a joke about my реnis?"
Girl:
"Ok"
Guy:Gross you f*cking pervert why do you want to hear a joke about my реnis?"
Girl:
"Cause It will be to short XD

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

What is the thing that you keep on looking for, but when you find it, you throw it away?
A вооgеr.

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Gross Jokes

Back in the day, when they stamped each can in the grocery store with a sticker price, there was a store employee doing just that. Standing in the aisle next to him was a lady trying to figure out what she wanted. The employee smelled that this lady had let a silent bomb escape from her аss. Quite annoyed at her indescretion, he said to her, "Wait 'til you see the prices, lady. You'll s**t!"

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Gross Jokes

A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick it up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter have acted like a kind of flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, and of course millions of squirming, pulsing bacteria. Poor pancake... and you were so hungry.

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Gross Jokes

"Eat your vegetables son it puts hairs on your chest, look see, I'm as hairy as a gorilla"
"Stop it mom that's gross."

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Gross Jokes

Cockroaches are gross, though. It doesn't even sound like a bug; it sounds like the world's worst STD. It's like, 'You hear about Cindy? She's got сrавs.'
'That's nothing. Bob -- cockroaches.'

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

Bully: Hey loser your diск belongs in your pants not your personality.
Others: HAHAHA.
Me: At least I have one.
Me: Are you talking about the one in your вuтт?.
Others: OOH.
Me: Nope im talking about the one in your mom.
Others: DAAAM.
Bully: You are as gаy as your grandpas роrn episodes.
Others: WOOOOOOW DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM.
Me: I am straighter the pole your mom dances on.
Others: WOOOOOOOW ОМG DAMM THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bully: Fuск you.
Me: Just like I f*cked you and your sister in a тhrееsоме.
Others: IT NEVER ENDS.
Bully: I f*cked your mom with my peppermint stick diск after I was done with her she was shooting out peppermints.
Others:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Me: Boy the closest you will ever get to a рussy is a cat.
Others: WHEN WILL THIS EVER ENNDDDDD.
Bully: Ugly little b*tch.
Me: Im not a mirror.
Others: OOOOOOOH.
Bully: Boy you are a gross ugly f*ck.
"Friend comes over."
Friend: Whats are you talking about?
Bully: Something you dont have.
Others: OOOOOOH.
Bully: Rekt.
Friend: Just like yourself, diск, and life.
Others:OMGUHSKBJHVDJVDHVGCVDJCVHHJDSVCJSDVCJHD
Bully: ...
Me: Give your аss some attention its probably jealous of all of the shiт coming out your mouth.
Others: BOOOOOOOM.
"I walk away with pride."

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Gross Jokes Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

One day there was this little girl watching TV and she sees 2 girls kissing. She ask her mom "Mommy why are those two girls kissing?" The mother then Replied "Oh their just making a cake. The little girls says "Oh Okay". The very next day the little girl is watching tV and she see two black guys kissing. She asked her mother "Mommy why are those two guys kissing?" The mother Replied again "Oh their just making a cake" The little girl says again "Oh Okay". The very next morning the mother was coming down the stairs and she sees her daughter with a smile on her face and her mother ask "Why such a smile?" The little girl replies "I seen you and daddy make a cake last night" The mother looks at her daughter in shocks and says "Oh really how's that?" The little girl Replied "I liск the frosting off the couch"
Kick аss for gross awesome funny
Ignore if didn't get the joke

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

It's a gross city. It's so gross. I went to use a pay phone tonight; I pick up the pay phone, I put it to my ear, and there was, like, jelly on it -- well, that's what it tasted like.

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Gross Jokes

Two bums walk along the road and come across a dead body. The first bums takes out his knife and cuts open the belly on the stiff. The stomach is filled with undigested pea soup so the вuм breaks out his spoon and starts eating “Aren’t you gonna have some?” He asks the second вuм.
“No way, that’s gross!”
Once вuм number one is done they move along but sure enough, after 10 minutes he throws up all that pea soup he ate. Now вuм number two breaks out his spoon and starts eating the hurl.
“What? Now you can eat it?!?”
“Yeah. I hate cold pea soup.”

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Gross Jokes Sick and Death Jokes