Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

"How's your diet going". Ме:

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Diet and Weight Loss Jokes Cat jokes

I want to lose weight but I dont want to get caught up in one of those "eat right and exercise" scams.

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Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

First day of diet: Full support from the family!

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Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

When you see something that you shouldn't eat while on your diet

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Dirty jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

When you're on a diet and someone offers you carbs

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Food Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

For those who don't like numbers

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Fat Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

- So, Sophie, how’s your diet going? - It’s hard, but I’m holding strong—for now I’m refusing cookies on the internet.

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Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

When you're on a low-carb diet, even your cat looks like freshly baked bread

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Cat jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Did you hear about the new Obama Diet?
You let Putin eat your lunch every day.

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Obama jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes American Presidents Humor

He said what he did was take all of his clothes off, and he stood nакеd in front of the mirror.
I said, 'That's a dамn good diet.' I think I could lose weight, too, if I saw Barry White nакеd, huh? Like, 'You hungry?' 'No man, I just saw Barry White nакеd. I don't want nothin'.'

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

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Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke. 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

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News and Politics Jokes Banker Jokes Dog jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a fат person and a virgin?
A: A fат person is trying to diet, and a virgin is dying to try it.

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Men vs Women Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10 When your dad is mad and asks you, Do I look sтuрid? don't answer him.
-Michael, 14 Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14 Stay away from prunes.
-Rаndy, 9 Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
-Traci, 14 Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic tac.
- Andrew, 9 Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9 You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9 If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Naomi, 15 Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
-Lauren, 9 Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10 Never try to baptize a cat.
-Eileen, 8 '

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Kids Jokes School Jokes Dog jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Did you hear about the blonde and the weight loss video?
She threw it away because the people in the video weren't losing weight either!

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Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.
I brought home diet pills. Apparently very much not what she meant.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?

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Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Dad: Can you go get me a drink?
Kid: Cola or Pepsi?
Dad: Cola.
Kid: Normal or dietary?
Dad: Normal.
Kid: Bottle or Can?
Dad: Bottle! /:
Kid: 1L or 0.5L?
Dad: Sсrеw it, just buy me a water!
Kid: Normal or carbonated?
Dad: NORMAL!
Kid: Warm or cold?
Dad: Get out! Kid: Now or later?
Dad: I'm going to кill you !
Kid: Knife or gun?
Dad: Gun!
Kid: In the head or body?
Dad: EFF THIS!

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Dad Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fат." "You're much вiggеr than that."

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Diet and Weight Loss Jokes Communication Jokes

Yo mamma is so fат, her diet pills say M & M.

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Yo Momma Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

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Political Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes