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An old man goes into Victoria's Secret and tells the sales-person behind the counter he needs a present for his wife. "See," explains the man, "It is my fiftieth wedding anniversary and I would like to get something pretty to surprise the little lady, if you know what I mean." When he gets home, his wife asks with a scowl on her face, "Where have you been?"
"Surprise," says the old man and hands her a sеxy tiny teddy. The wife rips it from his hand and takes it to the bathroom to try it on. She struggles to make it fit, but it is two sizes too small. She take a long time in the bathroom and hopes her husband will lose interest and fall asleep because it is getting late into the evening. Finally she emerges from the bathroom with all the lights out. She is completely nudе and pretends to model it in front of him. Her husband, still sitting up, squinting to try and see finally says,
"For as much money I spent on it, they could of at least ironed out the wrinkles."
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A church's веll ringer passed away. The church posted the job opening in the local newspaper's classified ads and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the веll tower and the guy ran toward the веll and hit it with his head, producing a beautiful melody. They gave him the job on the spot. The next day he went to ring the веll, tripped, bounced off the веll and fell to the sidewalk below. Two priests were walking past. One asked,
"Do you know this guy?" The other responded, "No, but his face rings a веll."
The next day, the dead man's twin brother came in for the again vacant веll ringer position. He also had no arms. The clergy led him up to the веll tower, where he ran at the веll, tripped and fell to the sidewalk below. The same two priests walked up. The first asked,
"Do you know him?" The second responded, "No, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
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