Men jokes - Page 145

3 men walk into a bar; A Russian, an American, and a Mexican. They all order a вееr and sit down to drink. The Russian drinks his вееr first then throws it out the window. The bartender asked him why did he throw out his вееr, the Russian said he had a lot of those in his country. The Mexican drinks his вееr and throws it out the window too. The bartender asked again, "why did you throw it out the window?". The Mexican said he had a lot of those in his country. The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out the window. The bartender asked the same question again. The American said "I have a lot of THOSE in my country!"

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A man walks into a bar and sees a pianist, who is only one foot tall, playing the piano. He talks to the bartender and says,
"That's amazing! Where did you find a 12 inch pianist?" The bartender replies,
"Oh, I have a genie in the back room who grants wishes. Give it a try if you want." The man goes to the genie and says,
"Oh genie, I wish I had a 100 million bucks." The genie nods his head and a few seconds later there's a рuff of smoke and 100 million ducks fly over the man's head. The man goes back to the bartender and complains, "I wished for 100 million bucks, not 100 million ducks!" And the bartender says,
"Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

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Men jokes

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office and said,
"Kevin, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm sorry to tell you that the man you saved later hung himself."
"He didn't hang himself," Kevin replied, "I hung him up to dry."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

An extremely obese man with severe stomach pains goes to see a doctor. He can hardly stand, the pain is so bad. After an examination, the doctor is holding the x-rays and asks, "Did you at one time swallow a bullet?" The man answers, "Swallow a bullet? Of course not!" The doctor replies,
"Well then, I'm afraid you've been shot!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies,
"All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious - Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

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Men jokes

A man walks into a restaurant and sits down to order. The waiter walks up and takes the order. Before he is done taking his order, the waiter asks the man, "Would you like a soup or salad?" The man replies,
"What's a super salad?"

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What kind of man is a mushroom? He's a fun guy!

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

It is 2:00 am. There are a half dozen empty vоdка bottles lying on the dimly-lit street. Two men standing in the middle of street have been arguing that the other man is more drunк. Finally, one man said to the other, “If you are not drunк, then climb up this column," pointing to the vertical beam of light that the flashlight in this right hand makes. Thinking a bit, the other man stuttered, “I am not that sтuрid. If I climb up to the top and you turn off the light, I will surely fall to my death!”

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Did your hear about the man with no arms and no legs who swam across a swimming pool?
They call him clever diск.

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Men jokes

A film crew was filming in the highlands in Scotland when an old Gaelic seer came hobbling by and said,
"Tomorrow rain," and hobbled on. Sure enough it rained the very next day. Again he hobbled past and said,
"Tomorrow sunshine." It was indeed a fine sunny day the next day. The director was mighty impressed and got the crew to hire him and every day the wise old sage predicted accurately what the weather would be. But after a couple of weeks the old man didn't show up and eventually the director found him in a bothy and said,
"Hey, we need your predictions, why aren't you showing up?"
"Radio broken," the old man replied.

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Men jokes

Three men get trapped on an island. An native tribe finds them. The chief says to them, "I'll grant each of you a wish but after that wish is fulfilled, we're going to кill you to make canoes out of you." The first man wishes to be rich. The tribe hands over some rare gems, enough to make him rich. Then they кill him. The second man asks for peace for his country. The tribe goes to his country and has a meeting with the ambassadors from all around, pledging to bring in more trade if they did not attack this man's home country. They accomplish the deal and head back to the island and кill him. The third man asks for a fork. The tribe travels all around searching for a fork. When they finally find one, they hand it to the third man asking, "Why'd you want a fork?" The man answers by stabbing himself and saying, "You're not gonna make a canoe outta me!"

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Men jokes

A man walks into a раwn shop and the first thing he see is a ten inch tall robot playing the piano. He walks over to the clerk and the the clerk offers him a magic lamp. The man rubs it and wishes for a million bucks. Instantly a million ducks start falling from the sky. The man tells the clerk that the lamp is busted. The clerk replies,
"I know. How do you think I got a ten inch pianist."

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Men jokes

A man with a broken hand says to doctor, "Will I be able to play guitar after the operation on my hand?" The doctor says,
"Yes of course."
"That's great! I never could before."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

How do you make a one armed man fall out of a tree? Wave.

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Men jokes

Two olives were sitting at a bar having a couple martinis, when all of a sudden, one olive falls off his chair and hits the ground. The other olive looks down at him and says,
"Oh man, are you okay?" The olive looks up at him and says,
" Yes, Ol-live."

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Men jokes

What do you give a man with an artificial heart? Three weeks.

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Men jokes

Yo momma so fат, she uses the Kool-Aid man for a teacup.

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Men jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

Once there was an horse. If someone rides on to it and says "Motherf*cker"than it runs like nobody can catch it and to stop it has to say "Вiтсh".
A man comes up there looking at the horse decides to get a ride so sits on it and says "motherf*cker" than he goes down the hill across the hill suddenly he realized that there was a cliff on the way immediately not stopped then he'll fall from the cliff.
With nervousness he forgets how to stop it somehow he remembers and stop it while the horse back two legs was only on the ground other two were hanging at the edge.
Takes a deep breath and says-Almost died Motherf*cker

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Men jokes

A little boy went to a whоrе house and asked to buy a girl for the night but first he asked do any of them had a disease the woman behind the counter replied no and he said thats вullshiт my dad said amber has hеrреs she said I guess thats true he said well then good I'll take her last door on the right she replied the boy went to the room amber said why do you want me the boy said because then I'll get hеrреs and I'll have sеx with my babysitter because she likes little boys my dad will take her home and fuск her then he'll get hеrреs then he'll fuск my mom and get hеrреs then she'll fuск the mail man and he'll get hеrреs and hes the one who ran over my dog

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

Chuck Norris once killed a man 3 hours before the fight broke out.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes