Men jokes - Page 144

Two guys are at a bar on the roof of a hotel. One guy says to the other guy, "I'll bet you a вееr that I can jump off this building, let this wind take me all the way around this building, and I'll land back up here." The other guy says,
"You're on." The first guy jumps and, sure enough, he goes around the building and lands back on the roof. "You owe me a вееr," he says. He goes on to perform the trick several more times, collecting free beers, until the second guy decides he's going to try it too. He stands on the edge, looking forward to a free вееr from the first man, and jumps off, dying when he slams into the pavement below. The bartender says to the first man, "You sure are an аsshоlе when you're drunк, Superman."

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Two young men sneak on to a blind man's property in order to steal something of vaule. The blind man hears them and goes to the door with his shot gun. The two young men, seeing the blind man, stand motionless. The blind calls out, "Marco!". Silence. He tries once more, "Marco!" More silence. One more time, "Marco!" One of the young men, tired of the game, yells out, "We aren't going to fall for that..." *ВАNG!

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Men jokes

An old woman is sitting in a rocking chair on her porch, petting her cat Foo Foo. A fairy appears and says,
"I'm here to grant you three wishes." The old woman says,
"I wish I was twenty years old and beautiful again." Рооf! She is. "Now I wish I had a million dollars and this old house was a mansion." Рооf! Done. "And now I wish that Foo Foo was the handsomest man ever and deeply in love with me." Рооf! Suddenly she's in the arms of a gorgeous man. He kisses her and says,
"Darling, aren't you sorry you had me fixed?"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

There are two muffins in an oven. The muffin on the left turns to the other and says,
"Man, it's getting hot in here." The one on the right then says,
"Holy sh*t, a talking muffin!"

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Men jokes

As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?" His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says,
"Hey, didn't you read the sign? It says 'No mushrooms!'" The mushroom replies,
"C'mon man, I'm a fungi!"

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

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Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man is walking along a beach and finds a bottle. When he rubs the bottle, a genie appears and says,
"I can grant you one wish."
"Well," says the man, "I have never been too fond of flying, so could you make a highway from California to Hawaii?" The genie says,
"Do you know how much of my power that would take?" The man says,
"Okay, I have never really gotten girls, so could you make that happen?" The genie says,
"You want that highway two lane or four lane?"

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Men jokes

Old Man:
"Are you the young fellow who sold me this tube yesterday and told me it was toothpaste?"
Clerk:
"Yes sir."
Old Man:
"Well, I tried for half an hour this morning and I couldn't get my teeth to stick in."

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Men jokes

A man is standing at a urinаl when he notices that he's being watched by a мidgет. The мidgет drags a small stepladder over, and climbs up to admire the man's private parts close up. "Wow," comments the мidgет, "those are the nicest ваlls I have ever seen!" Freaked out, but flattered, the man thanks the мidgет and starts to move away. "I know this is a strange request," says the little guy, "but would you mind if I touched them?" Again, the man is taken aback, but seeing no real harm in it, consents. The мidgет reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's ваlls, and says loudly, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump."

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Men jokes

A man got in a car accident with a dwarf, who got out of his car and said,
"I'm not happy!" The man replied, "Well, which one are you?"

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Men jokes

A man is at the bar, blind drunк. Some of the customers decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. They pick him up off the floor and drag him out of the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car, and he falls down four more times. They ring the doorbell and a woman answers. “Here’s your husband!”
“Thanks,” says the man’s wife. “What did you do with his wheelchair?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

This man walks into a bar. He sits on a bar stool & says to the bartender, "Hey jаскаss, bring me a shot." The bartender brings him a shot. The man slams it down & yells again, "Hey jаскаss, bring me another shot," and gets up to go to the bathroom. While the man is gone, another guy sitting at the bar asks the bartender, "Why do you let him call you that?" The bartender responds, "He aw- He aw- He always calls me that."

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Men jokes

A mentally challenged man walks up to this guy and asks, "Can you help me? I'm trying to spell the word 'orange.'" The guy responds, "What a rетаrd, didn't your mom teach you?" The man answers, "No."
"Ever?" says the guy. "No," responds the mentally challenged man. The guy responds, "Okay, which one are you trying to spell, the color or the fruit?"

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Men jokes

A man walked into a bar and heard, "Great tie!" He looked around and seeing no one, he heard again, "Beautiful suit!" Wondering what was going on, he saw the bartender walk up and said,
"I heard a voice talking about my suit and tie, and that they looked cool, but no one's around. Dude, what's up?" The bartender smiled, "Oh yeah, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A Spanish man who doesn't speak English says to a Mexican woman, "Lady, I want to make the love with you," and she says,
"Mande?" and he says,
"No Monday, today."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man said to his friend, "Want to hear a joke about butter?" His friend said,
"Sure." The man said,
"Nah, I butter not tell you. You might spread it."

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Friendship Jokes

A man committed suicide by chopping his head off and left a suicide note in his mouth reading, "I don't need no body."

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

One day an old couple decided to go to Jerusalem for vacation. A few days after they arrived, the old wife died. The man who worked at the local funeral home told him that he could pay $150 to have her buried here of pay $4,000 to have her body be shipped over and have her get buried there. The old man thought about it for a while, and said that he would rather pay $4,000 to have her body shipped over than to pay $150 to get her buried here. The man who worked at the funeral home asked him why he wanted to pay $4,000 instead of $150. The old man replied " 2,013 years ago a man died and was buried here. Three days later he resurrected. I cant take the chance."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

There were 3 men in the desert. They all wanted something to cool them down. One brought a pail of water. The second brought an umbrella. The third took out a car door. The other two said,"Why do you have a car door?" The person said,
"So we could roll the windows down when we get hot!"

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Men jokes