Men jokes - Page 145

If we took the collective stupidity of every low-life imbecile known since the evolution of man, it might be close to the complete lack of brain function you possess.

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Never trust a bald man. If his head looks like your аss, you know he's full of sh*t.

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Insult Jokes Men jokes

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Steve, so I asked him, "What's the name of his other leg?"

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Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A man is attending a function in another village, riding a horse. As he is about to go, he notices that his horse is missing. He shouts, asking for his horse, but nobody seems to know where it is. "If I don't find my horse, I will do exactly what I did when I lost my first horse!" Suddenly, the horse appears. Out of curiosity, a man goes up to him and asks, "What did you do when you lost your first horse?" He replies,
"I walked."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

A religious woman buys a parrot and takes it home. As soon as she gets the bird in its new cage, it starts hollering, "I'm a whоrе! I'm a whоrе!" The lady is embarrassed and asks her minister if she should return the foul-mouthed bird. The minister suggests, "I have a well-behaved male parrot who sits in its cage and prays all day long. Perhaps if we put your bird in with mine, your bird will see the error of its ways and become more pious." The next day, the woman takes her parrot to the minister's house and puts her bird in with the praying parrot. After a few seconds, her parrot starts saying, "I'm a whоrе! I'm a whоrе!" The priest's parrot replies,
"Come on in honey, that's what I've been praying for!"

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

What family tradition did Robert Kardashian start when he helped get O. J. Simpson acquitted?
Kardashians getting black men off!

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A guy hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, sees a snail, then picks it up and chucks it as far as possible. Three years later, he hears a knock on his door, opens the door, and sees the same snail. The snail says,
"Hey man, what did you do that for?!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

A 96-year old man is pleading with the doctor for a lower sеx drive. "Surely you're imagining things," says the doctor. "You're 96 years old. Isn't all the feeling for sеx just in your head?"
"Yes," replies the elderly man, "that's why I want you to lower my sеx drive to the place where it might do more good."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Who's the most popular male at a nudist colony?
The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

A nакеd man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the оrgаn.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Two gаy guys are sitting at a little pub looking out the window in a small town. This guy walks by, and the one guy says to the other, "Who is that?" The other man says,
"That's the new proctologist." He replies,
"Well, I've got to meet him." The next day, he makes an appointment and goes in to see him. The doctor asks him, "What's the problem?" and he replies,
"I have a terrible pain in my вuтт." The doctor says,
"Well, let's take a look at it." So he bends over, and the doctor gets down to look in his аss, and he says,
"Oh My God! There's a stick up your аss." The gаy man then says,
"Well, pull it out, pull it out! So he start to pull it out, and notices that it has thorns on it. "Oh my God! There are thorns on it? Well, pull it out, pull it out!" As he pulls it out, he see it's a rose. "Oh my God! It's a rose!" As the gаy man exclaims, "Well, read the card, read the card!"

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God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Research shows that 80% of men don’t know how to use condoms. These men are called dads.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

There is this man who spent the entire day watching the fishing channel. Once he is done, he goes to the kitchen where his wife is and says "Listen honey, I have just declared it. We are going on a fishing trip, you, me and the dog." The wife then replies "No way, I don't wanna go fishing." The man then replies "Well then I'm going to give you 3 options. 1. You can give me a вlоwjов 2. I can fuск you up the аss or 3. You can just suск it up and go fishing w/me and the dog. Now I'm going to the garage and get everything I need ready. I'll be back in an hour and you better have your answer.
So he goes to the garage, prepares everything and comes back in an hour as promised. "Well, so what do you want to do?" the man asks. "I'll give you a вlоw job." the wife replies. So she starts suскing his diск and after 10 seconds, she starts complaining "Oh my God, this is disgusting, your diск tastes like absolute shiт." The man then replies "Yeah, the dog didn't wanna go either."

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God Jokes Men jokes

A man walks into a pub and asks for 12 shots of vоdка. The barman says,
"Wow, 12. Are you celebrating?" The man replies,
"I've just experienced my first вlоw job." The barman says,
"That's brilliant. Let me get you another one on the house." The man replies,
"No, that's okay. If the twelfth one doesn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes

This crazy guy walks into a restaurant and tells the waiter, “Lemme get a cheeseburger, not too rare, not too well done, but right in the groove. Lemme get some fries, not too crispy, not too burnt, but right in the groove. And while you’re at it, throw in a shake, not too thin, not too thick, but right in groove.” The waiter took down the order and came back five minutes later and told the man, “The cook said you can kiss his аss, not to the left, not to the right, but right in the groove.”

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason.
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

There's a man speeding on the road and a police officer is chasing him for miles. The man finally stops and the officer tells him, "When you see those lights and hear those sirens, you are supposed to stop!" The man says,
"Well, I had a good excuse to keep driving." The officer says,
"I've heard every excuse in the book, but if it's one I haven't heard, I'll let you go." The man says,
"Well a few days ago, my wife ran off with one of your officers, and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back." So the officer let him go.

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Relationship Jokes

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

A man is at work one day, when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a conservative guy, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.” The co-worker responds sheepishly, “Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring.” The man falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So how long have you been wearing one?” The co-worker responds, “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes