Men jokes - Page 86

How do you know if your man is dead?
The sеx is the same, but there's less ironing.

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Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle.
Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags.
The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?"
"Just sand," replied Jose.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many men went down on the Titanic.

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes

"Agent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk.
Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name.
"Carmen," she replied.
That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,
"Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself, she answered.
"Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes.
"So what’s your name?" she asked.
"Beersex."

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A retired couple had dinner at their friends’ house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went to the kitchen. The two men were talking and one said, “We've been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great.
I’d recommend it very highly.”
The other man asked, “What’s the name of the place?”
The first man thought awhile and finally said, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love?
The ones with red petals and thorns?”
“You must mean roses,” he replied.
“That’s it,” said the man.
He yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the restaurant we like?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

A 7-year-old boy and a 40-year old man are walking together in a dark forest.
The young boy says,
"I'm afraid..." The 40-year-old man replies," You're afraid?!
I have to walk out of here alone!"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas.
One of the men on that trip won $100,000.
He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home - arriving back 3 a. M.
He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it.
The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole.
He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute.
On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man.
Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house.
"You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100,000 I'm going to кill him!" he screamed at the professor.
The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."
The professor turned to the man with the gun and said,
"He's not going to tell you.
He said he'd rather die first."

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Sports Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hеll.
Petrus says: You see Bill, we don't know what to do with you.
You may choose "heaven" or "hеll".
Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table.
Bill takes a look in hеll and sees really beautiful women, sеx, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling.
So Bill says : I am a gambling man, I want to go to hеll!
Once in hеll, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire.
So Bill says : hey, what the hеll is this, I saw all the gambling, the women, and sеx?
The devil says:
'That was just a demo version."

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A retiree said to his 80 year old friend, “It it true you’re getting married?”
“Sure is.”
“Have I met her?”
“I don't think so.”
“Is she attractive?”
“Won't win any beauty contests.”
“Can she cook?”
“Can't even boil an egg.”
“Is she rich?”
“Rich? Heck, she's so poor she can't even pay attention.”
“She must be great in the sack then?”
“I haven't actually found out.”
“My God, man, why are you marrying her?”
“She can still drive.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said,
"Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said,
"Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said,
"Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said,
"Don't flush don't flush!"

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Men vs Women Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen.
The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks her, "What are you doing in there?" She says,
"I'm washing my clothes." The man asks, "Why don't you use a washing machine?" The blonde says,
"I tried that, but it was too dizzy.

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

Did you hear about the new ‘morning after’ pill for men?
It changes their blood type.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Dog jokes

A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking of various ways to improve her business.
She thought perhaps a good way to do it would be to emulate the success of the fashion store across the street which had done very well with it's new "Buy 1, Get 1 Free" deal.
Soon, a man walks in.
"I would like a coffin for my father. But these coffins are very expensive!"
"Well, sir, you'll be happy to know we have a 'Buy 1, Get 1 Free' deal!"
The customer left.

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes

What’s the difference between a black and a white bull?
The white bull does:
“Mooo”.
The black bull does:
“Hey man, Mooo, man!”

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Man to friend: ‘When did you first realise your wife had stopped loving you?’
Friend: ‘When she pushed me through the window, and wrote for an ambulance.’

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A man goes to the doctor suffering from premature еjасulатiоn.
"Can you do anything to help me, Doc?" said the man.
"No, but I can give you the address of a woman who has a short attention span" replied the doctor.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes