Mom jokes

Newest jokes in this category

"A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He said, 'Call for backup.' "

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Mom jokes

"Why was the house so neat on Mother’s Day? Because Mom spent all day Saturday cleaning it."

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Mom jokes

"Motherhood: Because going to the bathroom in private is over-rated."

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Mom jokes Military Jokes

"The two amounts of pasta I'm best at cooking: 1. not enough 2. enough for 3,000 people."

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Mom jokes

"It's spicy: universal Mom Code for 'I don't want to share.' "

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Mom jokes

"I'm homeschooling like that substitute teacher who rolls in the tv for a movie and just eats snacks in the back of the class." @fruitsofmotherhood

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Mom jokes School Jokes

"If I get through this quarantine without buying a tie-dye sweatsuit I can do anything." @alyssalimp

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Mom jokes

"I love my kids. Not enough to flip the fish sticks halfway through cooking, but I love them."

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Mom jokes

"Mom's recipe for iced coffee: 1. Have kids. 2. Make coffee. 3. Forget you made coffee. 4. Drink it cold."

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Mom jokes Coffee Jokes

"They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast."

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Mom jokes

"A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do in a day."

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Mom jokes

"Important truth no one tells a first-time mom: Both of you come home from the hospital in diapers."

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Mom jokes

"Please excuse the mess, my kids are making memories. Of me yelling at them. To clean up the mess."

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Mom jokes

"Some days I do yoga and don't yell at my kids. Some days I scream at them while eating cake over the kitchen sink. It's called balance." @katiebinghamsmith

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Mom jokes

"I love it when I find myself screaming 'STOP SCREAMING' at my kids. That's how I teach them irony." @motherhoodandmore

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Mom jokes

"Other moms: Are you okay?! Let’s clean that up. I’ll take care of you.
My mom: Maybe if you listened when I told you not to do that, you would be perfectly fine right now."

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Mom jokes

"Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is suspicious."

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Mom jokes

"One minute you are young and cool, maybe even a little dangerous, and the next you are reading Amazon reviews for birdseed." @simoncholland

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Mom jokes

"Kid: Mom, stop. You aren't funny. Mom: I made you."

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Mom jokes

"Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom on Mother’s Day? Because she left the phone off the hook."

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Mom jokes Pirate Jokes