Old People Jokes

Why do a lot of old people move to Florida?
Because they hate liberal snowflakes.

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Old People Jokes

Do old people wear boxers or briefs?
Depends.

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Old People Jokes

Can we start a national walkout for old people who try to pay for things with the exact amount of coins?
I've been waiting for change for too long.

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Old People Jokes

A teacher asked me why my daughter's name was so weird...
She asked why I had spelled it like E. M. M. A instead of just Emma, and I said that it describes the phrase that I told people when I let them know my SO was pregnant,
"Everyone. Makes. Mistakes. Alright?"

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School Jokes Old People Jokes

What do old people with Alzheimer's often say?
I don't remember.

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Old People Jokes

How do old people stay in ouch with their deceased friends?
Through social mediums.
(Read this on Facebook. Take no credit, but I don't remember who said it.)

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Old People Jokes

Why can't old people print?
They can't Ctrl P

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Old People Jokes

What do you call a bus driver who helps old people and parents with children on and off the bus?
A stand up driver.

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Old People Jokes

What technology are old people better at using than young people?
Life support.

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Old People Jokes

Did you hear about the Mexican man who went to the old people home to visit his grandpa?
See senior.

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Mexican jokes Old People Jokes

I just got a job as a senior director in a nursing home.
I tell old people where to go.

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Old People Jokes

I was begging God to give me a hot body.
Great. Now I’m enjoying the hot flashes of menopause.

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Old People Jokes

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked,
"Grandpa are you going to take that new Viаgrа?"
Grandpa, caught off-guard, looks at him and says,
"No Johnny, I will not."
"But Grandpa, why not?" asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies,
"Well Johnny, because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to."

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Little Johnny Jokes Old People Jokes Viagra jokes

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'
'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them."

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Old People Jokes Chocolate Jokes

An elderly couple is getting ready for bed. She says Oh I am just so hungry for ice cream and there isn't any in the house." He says, “I’ll go get some." She says,
"Vanilla with chocolate sauce, with whipped cream on top and a cherry." She adds, "Please write it down, I know you'll forget." He says, “I won't forget; Vanilla with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and a cherry."
Away he goes. Hours later he comes back and hands her a paper bag. "In it is a "HAM SANDWICH". She says,” I told you to write it down! You forgot the mustard."

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Old People Jokes Chocolate Jokes

My aging father who definitely qualifies as your stereo typical “grumpy old man” hasn’t adjusted well to technology. Mistakenly I taught him how to send text messages.
After a week of pure mayhem and upsetting most every family member, he blames “auto correct” for putting words in his mouth. Apparently he doesn’t seem to understand that auto correct won’t fix an entire paragraph.

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Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.
“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”
“Because i forgot where i put him.

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Jokes about Women Technology Jokes Old People Jokes Coffee Jokes

For her 87th birthday Ruth who was not acquainted with modern technology, was given a new cell phone by her son. After setting it up and showing her how to use it he went home and called her.
"How is your new phone working, Mom." Her reply astonished him. "Oh we took it back. It wouldn't work. It did not even have a cord."

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Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Old People Jokes