School jokes, Teacher Jokes

There were five people on a plane. Malcolm Turnbal, a skater boy, an elderly man, a little school girl and Hilary Clinton. The plane was about to crash and there was only four parachutes.
Malcolm Turnbal said,
"I am about to be the president, so i need a parachute".
The skater boy said,
"I have a long life ahead of me, so i need one too".
Malcolm and the skater both grab one and jump out.
Hilary Clinton said,
" I am also running for president, so i also need one". Grabs one and jumps out.
The elderly man turns to the little girl and says,
" I have lived my life. You haven't, so you take the last one".
The little girl shook her head. "No sir. We can both go. Malcolm Turnbal stole my school bag".

0 0

Did any of you have a dad that tells and re-tells and re-re-tells you about his bravery and stamina and grit growing up? I’m sharing with you that my dad walked to school at 4AM every morning with no shoes on, uphill (both ways,) in 5 feet of snow … and he was thankful.

0 0

School Jokes Dad Jokes

8. "Thank goodness for these evaluations. They keep me focused."
7. "I can't BELIEVE I get paid for this!"
6. "Here class... just put all your gym shoes in this box next to my desk."
5. "I bet all the people in our administration really miss teaching."
4. "Gosh, the bathroom smells so fresh and clean!"
3. "It must be true... the school news said so."
2. "I think the discipline around here is just a LITTLE too strict!"
1. "It's Friday already!!!"

0 0

School Jokes News and Politics Jokes

When I was in elementary school, I learned about exaggeration.
I had like ten thousand tests on it and my teacher would кill me if I didn't spell it right.

0 0

School Jokes

A little boy came home with his parents from church one Sunday. He seemed a little depressed, so his mother asked him if something happened in Sunday school class that he would like to talk about. He told his mother "Well, we were singing songs and the teacher made us sing about a poor bear named Gladly that needed glasses and I can't stop thinking about him. She said he was cross-eyed and I feel bad for him.
The mother couldn't understand why the teacher would teach such a song in Sunday school, so she decided to call her. To the woman’s amazement, the teacher said she only taught hymns that morning. Then the teacher began laughing out loud and said to the mother, “I know what Jeffrey’s' talking about! We learned the hymn 'Gladly The Cross I'd Bear'".

0 0

Jokes about Women School Jokes Kids Jokes

A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on.
He asked for help and she could see why. She tried pulling and pushing, but the boots still didn't want to go on.
When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said,
"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off then it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said,
"They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
She said,
"Now, where are your mittens?"
He said,
"I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

0 0

Office and Work Jokes School Jokes

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally decided to enroll him in the local Catholic School. After the first day, Little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He went straight to his room and started studying. This continued for some time. His mother was baffled as to why he had become so dedicated.
Finally, Little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went to his room to study. With great trepidation, his mother looked at it and, to her surprise, Little Zachary go an "A" in math. She asked,
"Son, what was it? Was it the nuns, the books, the discipline, the uniforms?"
Little Zachary said,
"No!"
"What was it?" she asked.
Little Zachary looked at her and said,
"Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the Plus Sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

0 0

School Jokes Math Jokes

Failed a drug test today at school. I scored an E.

0 0

School Jokes

Why do we need School?
Music: we have YOUTUBE for that
Sport: There's wii
Spanish: There's Dora
English: everything's shortened anyway (LOL,BRB,IDK)
Maths: that's why we have calculators
Geography: I'll buy a globe
History: they're all dead anyway

0 0

Sports Jokes School Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

I wish the girls who rejected me in high school could see how many Pokémon I've caught.

0 0

School Jokes Life Jokes

My school is so full of вullshiт.
Some guy in sixth form is 50 seconds off the 5000m world record, and athletics people come into the school assembly saying he’s a future Olympic hopeful.
But when I’m 30 seconds off the 100m world record at sports day, everyone laughs and calls me a ‘fат shiт’!

0 0

Sports Jokes School Jokes Fat Jokes

Hanging in the hallway at a high school are the basketball team pictures from the past decades. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "92-93,"
"93-94,"
"94-95," etc.
One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to the principal, he said,
"Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"

0 0

School Jokes

“Miss! Miss! Miss!” I shouted excitedly from the back of the classroom.
This was turning into the worst school shooting ever.

0 0

School Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

“Do you obtain good SAT results?” asked the father of a prospective pupil.
“Oh, indeed we do,” said the Principal of the expensive private school.
“We guarantee satisfaction - or we return the student…”

0 0

School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

I went to medical school here at Columbia. I got my M. D. I was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up -- and not just because of the lawsuits.

0 0

School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:
"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying:
"Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!

0 0

School Jokes Dad Jokes

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, the policeman was interrupted by a 6 year-old looking up and down his uniform, she asked. “Are you a policeman? “Yes,” he answered and continued writing the report. “My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right, the policeman told her. “Well, then,” the little girl said as she extended her foot toward him, “would you please tie my shoe?”

0 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes Police Officer Jokes

My brother went to NYU in 1979 -- and now he's a sophomore.

0 0

School Jokes

Back when I went to college, the female dormitory was out-of-bounds for all male students, as was the male dormitory to the female students. It was explained to us during orientation that anybody caught breaking this rule would be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $60. Being caught a third time incurred a hefty fine of $180. Then we were asked, “Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired. "Er... How much for a season pass?"

0 0

Jokes about Women School Jokes Men jokes

A delinquent student returns a book to the library, bangs it on the counter and yells, “I read this entire novel! It is badly written with different handwritings, contains too many names of people and no story at all. Take your book and note that I would not pay any fine for late return!"
The Librarian looks up and responds, “Idiот, so you are the one who took the Attendance book?"

0 0

School Jokes