Sports Jokes - Page 48

How do you make a match against Man U interesting?
Give them a two goal start.

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A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a woman being given first aid.
One of the golfers asked what had happened and he was informed that the woman had been bit by a bee and was having a reaction.
“Where was she bit?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” was the reply.
He then replied, “Wow! She must have been standing right over the hive.”

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes

Tim asked Bob “What happened to your uncle’s boat?”
“Ever notice that big rock at the entrance to the Golden Gate?” said Bob.
“Yes, I have” replied Tim.
“Well, he didn’t” said Bob.

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Sports Jokes

How do men exercise at the beach?
Every time they see a bikini they suск their belly in

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

I was at the hospital's emergency room for a sports-related injury, and in answer to a question on the form I was given, I replied that I had a serious allergy. The nurse put a plastic band on my wrist and I sat down in the crowded waiting room.
The lady seated next to me glanced at my wrist, shock registering on her face, and then quickly moved away from me. Surprised, I looked at the band for the first time. It read "Nuts."

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Sports Jokes

Serena Williams, Maria Sharapov, Simona Halep, Petra Kvitova, Caroline Wozniak and several other female tennis players and female athletes have been banished from the Netherlands.
The Dutch Parliament has so decreed because the women insist on putting their fingers in the dyкеs.

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes

Panting and perspiring, two men on a tandem bicycle at last got to the top of a steep hill.
“That was a stiff climb,” said the first man. “It certainly was,” replied the second man.
“And if I hadn’t kept the brake on, we would have slid down backward.”

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

A young unmarried man goes onto a dating website to find the perfect woman. He enters his details and describes what he is looking for:
“I want a genuine companion. She should be small and cute, should like aquatic sports and should enjoy group activities.”
He clicks on ‘Send’ and immediately gets a response:
“Marry a fсuкing реnguin.”

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Men jokes Dating Jokes

Two would-be fishermen rented a boat, and one caught a large fish.
“We should mark the spot,” he said. The other man drew a large
X in the bottom of the boat with a black maker
“That’s no good,” said the first man. “Next time out we may not get the same boat.”

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

His favorite sport is the Indianapolis 500, five hours of men going around in a circle. I think it'd be a more interesting race if they just broke off and drove in different directions.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

A deer hunter at a hunting camp bagged two deer, one more than the limit. He called his wife ask her to go to the local sporting goods store to get a hunting license in her name and bring it to the hunting camp.
While getting the license she took up conversation with a man who happened to be the Game Warden. "A wonderful thing happened to my husband... He shot two deer, and he wants me to bring this license up to his camp," she said.
"What say, Mam, that we go up there and we'll BOTH congratulate him," he replied.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

Two golfers met at the club. "I heard about your terrible tragedy last week," said one.
"Yes," said the other sadly, sipping his drink. "I was playing a two-some with Winthrop, and he dropped dead on the ninth hole."
"I understand you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse too," the first man said sympathetically. "That must have been very difficult, considering Winthrop weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds."
"The carrying wasn't that hard. It was putting him down at every sтrоке, then picking him up again that wore me out."

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

Just joined New York Sports Club, which is fantastic. Now I have a bathroom on every block.

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Sports Jokes

One day a rich famous man went to buy a sport car from a dealership. The price of the car was $80000 and the man had only $79998 to pay.
The sales associate insisted that the price is firm and it has to be $80000.
The man came out of the store and looked around and saw a poor man begging for help. He went toward him and introduced himself and asked if he is kind enough to lend him $2. The poor man asked the reason. He replied that he is willing to buy a car. The poor man though for a moment and gave the man $4 and said: Please buy one for me too.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

My dog does a somersault every time Man Utd score a goal.
Sometimes he does two somersaults, it depends how hard I kick him.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

How many man united fans does it take to pave up a driveway? Depends how thin you slice them.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

The Madame opened up a new sporting-house with an eye to cutting costs.
…
She had all the rooms on one story to cut out the fuскin’ overhead.

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Sports Jokes

There’s nothing more entertaining than going to watch a marathon live. My favorite part is the reaction of the runner’s face when I give him a cup of vоdка.

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Sports Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Did you hear about the politically correct country club?
They no longer refer to their golfers as having handicaps.
Instead they're "sтrоке challenged"

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Sports Jokes Political Jokes

Louis Van Gaal has said he doesn’t care where Danny Welbeck plays, as long as it’s not for a top 6 side.
Looks like he’s staying at Manchester United then.

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Sports Jokes