His team was 20 points behind and the coach was desperate, so he looked down the bench to his 330 pound tackle that was not his brightest player. The coach called him over and asked him, "If I put you in, can you play ruthless?""I sure can coach! Which one is ruthless?" 0 0 0
Three fans were talking about the sad state of their local club;The first fаn blamed…:“I blame the manager; if we could sign better players, we’d be a great club.”The second fаn blamed…:“I blame the players; if they made more effort, I’m sure we would score more goals.”The third fаn blamed…:“I blame my parents; if I had been born in a different town, I’d be supporting a decent team.” 0 0 0
I’ve just read a book on how dramatically footballers wives lose their looks once their husbands retire.It’s a real WAGS to witches story. 0 0 0
I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said.“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that.”“Fine,” I said, “I want to die when Enland win the Worldcup again.”“You crafty c*nt!” said the fairy. 0 0 0
Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student? Because education pays off in the long run! 0 0 0
A fisherman began to drill a hole in the ice to fish when a voice called out, "You can't fish there."He moved the drill a few feet and began to drill again and the voice repeated, "You can't fish there either."After three more attempts he yelled, "Why can't I fish here?""You can't fish anywhere here, this is an ice rink." 0 0 0
Barcelona made an incredible 859 passes the other night.Liverpool could only manage that if they got Steven Gerrard out of retirement and put him on Mastermind. 0 0 0
Anyone really that surprised that USA’s first gold medal at the Rio Olympics involves shooting a gun? 0 0 0
Wembley tannoy announcement:- “Please could Wayne Rooney please leave the building via the Southgate” 0 0 0
Larry took Barb, his girlfriend, to her first football game. Afterwards, he asked her how she liked the game. “I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for twenty-five cents,” she asked.“What do you mean?”“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’” 0 0 0
Louis Van Gaal has said he doesn’t care where Danny Welbeck plays, as long as it’s not for a top 6 side.Looks like he’s staying at Manchester United then. 0 0 0
Did you hear about the politically correct country club?They no longer refer to their golfers as having handicaps.Instead they're "sтrоке challenged" 0 0 0
There’s nothing more entertaining than going to watch a marathon live. My favorite part is the reaction of the runner’s face when I give him a cup of vоdка. 0 0 0
The Madame opened up a new sporting-house with an eye to cutting costs.…She had all the rooms on one story to cut out the fuскin’ overhead. 0 0 0
My dog does a somersault every time Man Utd score a goal.Sometimes he does two somersaults, it depends how hard I kick him. 0 0 0
One day a rich famous man went to buy a sport car from a dealership. The price of the car was $80000 and the man had only $79998 to pay.The sales associate insisted that the price is firm and it has to be $80000.The man came out of the store and looked around and saw a poor man begging for help. He went toward him and introduced himself and asked if he is kind enough to lend him $2. The poor man asked the reason. He replied that he is willing to buy a car. The poor man though for a moment and gave the man $4 and said: Please buy one for me too. 0 0 0