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Got shouted at today on a training course when I was told theres no “I” in team
Told him “But there are 5 in individual brilliance”…That shut the b*stard up !!
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If you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor.
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You know how to catch a nice big trout? You look for a place in the stream where there's a sunken log or hole where the big ones like to hang out. Every day for a week, you throw in a handful of worms and a sugar cookie. On the last day, you just throw in the worms. When the trout sticks his head out of the water to see what happened to the sugar cookie, you hit him over the head with a baseball bat!
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What does Usain Bolt do when he misses the bus?
He waits at the next station.
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I went to the game and saw a Mexican wave, so I waved back at him.
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Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
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Manchester United are fast becoming the Katie Price of English football.
They keep needlessly spending a fortune to boost what they’ve got up front and invariably get fcuked at the back.
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What do you have if you hold 13 tennis ваlls in one hand and 15 tennis ваlls in the other hand?
REALLY big hands!
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So after winning the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like they do on the T. V…apparently…. it’s unacceptable in bowling.
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A football coached was asked about his star lineman. The coach replied, "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I have seen his grades and there are a lot of words he doesn't know the meaning of!"
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The England team visited an orphanage today in Poland.
‘It was amazing to put a smile on the faces of a group of people who constantly struggle and have little hope’
Said Jan Zamoyski, aged 6
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As a social experiment I had my wife wear a Manchester United shirt. So far she’s been kicked,punched,spat on and verbally abused.
I dread to think what will happen when she gets out of the house.
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I was playing Football Manager on my PC when I was offered the Scotland job.
I knew it was a shiт squad with no future, so I declined the offer.
I then put the phone down and got back to Football Manager.
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What’s red and beeps? The Manchester United open-top bus reversing back in the garage.
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A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate:
“I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities.”
Back came the answer:
“Marry a реnguin.”
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With his ball and bat in hand Little Pete walked to home plate in an empty baseball field.
As he threw the ball up in the air, he announced, “I am the best ball player ever!” He swung with all his power, but missed. He did the same thing and missed again. He picked up the ball, tossed it up one more time, said “I am the best ball player in the world!” Then he swung and missed again. “Wow! He said. “What a pitcher!”
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What was the sick boys favorite sport?
Hurling.
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I had lunch with a chess champion the other day.
It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
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Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose.
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Every day I spend a few hours on a running track. Next week I might even turn it on.
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