Sports Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

What do you call a sold-out Demolition Derby event?
A smashing success!

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Sports Jokes

Larry took Barb, his girlfriend, to her first football game. Afterwards, he asked her how she liked the game. “I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for twenty-five cents,” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’”

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Sports Jokes

Wembley tannoy announcement:
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“Please could Wayne Rooney please leave the building via the Southgate”

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Sports Jokes

Anyone really that surprised that USA’s first gold medal at the Rio Olympics involves shooting a gun?

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Sports Jokes USA Jokes

I'm dressing like a Dodger this Halloween. I'm going as a loser!

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Sports Jokes Halloween Jokes

Barcelona made an incredible 859 passes the other night.
Liverpool could only manage that if they got Steven Gerrard out of retirement and put him on Mastermind.

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Sports Jokes Old People Jokes

A fisherman began to drill a hole in the ice to fish when a voice called out, "You can't fish there."
He moved the drill a few feet and began to drill again and the voice repeated, "You can't fish there either."
After three more attempts he yelled, "Why can't I fish here?"
"You can't fish anywhere here, this is an ice rink."

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Sports Jokes

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student? Because education pays off in the long run!

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Sports Jokes

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said.
“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that.”
“Fine,” I said, “I want to die when Enland win the Worldcup again.”
“You crafty c*nt!” said the fairy.

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Sports Jokes

I’ve just read a book on how dramatically footballers wives lose their looks once their husbands retire.
It’s a real WAGS to witches story.

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Sports Jokes

Three fans were talking about the sad state of their local club;
The first fаn blamed…:
“I blame the manager; if we could sign better players, we’d be a great club.”
The second fаn blamed…:
“I blame the players; if they made more effort, I’m sure we would score more goals.”
The third fаn blamed…:
“I blame my parents; if I had been born in a different town, I’d be supporting a decent team.”

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Sports Jokes

His team was 20 points behind and the coach was desperate, so he looked down the bench to his 330 pound tackle that was not his brightest player. The coach called him over and asked him, "If I put you in, can you play ruthless?"
"I sure can coach! Which one is ruthless?"

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Sports Jokes

Every day I spend a few hours on a running track. Next week I might even turn it on.

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Sports Jokes

Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose.

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Sports Jokes

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day.
It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

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Sports Jokes

What was the sick boys favorite sport?
Hurling.

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Sports Jokes

With his ball and bat in hand Little Pete walked to home plate in an empty baseball field.
As he threw the ball up in the air, he announced, “I am the best ball player ever!” He swung with all his power, but missed. He did the same thing and missed again. He picked up the ball, tossed it up one more time, said “I am the best ball player in the world!” Then he swung and missed again. “Wow! He said. “What a pitcher!”

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Sports Jokes

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate:
“I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities.”
Back came the answer:
“Marry a реnguin.”

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Sports Jokes Computer Jokes

What’s red and beeps? The Manchester United open-top bus reversing back in the garage.

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Sports Jokes

I was playing Football Manager on my PC when I was offered the Scotland job.
I knew it was a shiт squad with no future, so I declined the offer.
I then put the phone down and got back to Football Manager.

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Sports Jokes