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Sports Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

“Look, Charlie,” the coach said, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship. You know the Little League doesn’t allow temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language.”
“Yes sir, I understand.” “Good, Charlie. Now, would you explain that to your father?”

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Sports Jokes

Old Bubba was fishing along the Bayou for catfish one day when he spots a water moccasin slithering across the water with a toad in its mouth. Being a longtime fisherman, he knows the best bait for large catfish are toads. In a flash, Bubba grabs the snake from behind and carefully removes the toad from its mouth and puts the toad in his side bag. Fearing the angry snake would bite him; Bubba grabs his bottle of daddy's moonshine from his pocket and carefully pours 2 drops into the snake's mouth. The snake's eyes glaze over and quickly go limp. Bubba carefully places the snake back in the water.
A few hours later, Bubba is just about to head back home, when he feels something tapping on his leg. He looks down and is amazed to see the same water moccasin with 2 frogs in its mouth.

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Sports Jokes

Newspaper headlines in Canada before, during and after Jamaican-Born Canadian sprinter, Ben Johnson, was found to have used illegal steroids.
First Headline:
“Canadian Sprinter Wins Gold in 100 meters!
Second Headline:
“Jamaican-Canadian Athlete Tests Positive for Steroids!”
Third Headline:
“Jamaican Athlete Stripped of Gold Medal.”

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Sports Jokes

Can somebody please notify Liverpool that, along with their lack of imagination, the correct grammar is ‘A field’, not ‘An field’. Thanks.

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Sports Jokes

I can’t stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to deliberately cause trouble and ruin it for everybody else.
Fucking referees.

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Sports Jokes

Why do grasshoppers not go to many football games?
They prefer cricket matches.

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Sports Jokes

Sven and Ollie go fishing. It’s such a great day, they rent a boat so they can fish from the middle of the lake. They row out, drop their lines, and before you know it, they’re catching fish, one after another after another. They can’t believe what a great fishing spot they found. !!! …
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Sven says, “This is the best fishing spot in the county. It’s just too bad we didn’t bring some paint.”
Ollie asks, “Paint? Why should you want paint, to go fishing?”
“Well Ollie, don’t you see, so we can paint an “X” on the side of the boat, so we can find this spot next time.”
Ollie laughs at him. “Sven, don’t be such a duммy! Next time, what if they rent us a different boat?”

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Sports Jokes

If a criminal sells illegal tennis rackets on the black market...
Does that make him guilty of racketeering?

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Sports Jokes

Louis Van Gaal has lost more matches than Michael J Fox trying to light a candle.

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Sports Jokes

I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sамво, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.

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Sports Jokes

A sporting-house is undergoing renovation …
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Sign on the door says, “We’re closed. Beat it.”

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Sports Jokes

(Me) Now that I’m retired I finally have my very own 'Command Center'!
(Wife) It looks like a lazy boy recliner, a TV remote and a half eaten bag of Cheetos on an end table to me!
(Me) It’s a clandestine operation so don’t tell anyone!
(Wife) Don’t worry I won’t tell a soul! Just to clear things up though, is the arm chair law practice and the sports announcing gig a secret too?

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Sports Jokes Old People Jokes

Why are professional skiers always politically correct?
Because it's a slippery slоре!

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Sports Jokes Political Jokes

An Englishman, A German, and a Mexican are at the Olympic stadium unsuccessfully trying to get in to watch the events without tickets. …
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The Englishman sees that next to the stadium there is a construction site. He walks over and picks up a large construction hammer and takes it to the stadium entrance. …
…
The security guard says “where is your ticket?” …
….
The Englishman says:
“Michael Kensington, hammer throw.. I’m late. ”
The guard lets him in right away.
The German, seeing this, walks to the construction site and picks up a steel bar and takes it to the entrance.
The security guard says “where is your ticket?”
The German says:
“Maximillian Von Heidelberg: Javelin…I am late.”
The guard lets him in right away.
The Mexican, seeing this, walks over to the construction yard and takes a few planks of wood and some steel cable to the entrance.
The security guard says “where is your ticket?”
The Mexican says:
“Juan Carlos De Los Parlotes De Amadeo, fencing.”

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Sports Jokes

Why did your mom bring a spoon to the super-bowl?
She wanted to eat it all!!

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Sports Jokes

Daley Blind signs for Manchester United.
When asked where he would play, Louis van Gaal replied, “At this rate, I’d say in the Championship.”

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Sports Jokes

I bought Alex Ferguson’s autobiography.
I thought I’d got to the end but six more pages appeared.

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Sports Jokes

A fisherman accidentally left his day’s catch under the seat of a bus. The next evening’s newspaper carried an ad:
“If the person who left a bucket of fish on the No. 47 bus would care to come to the garage, he can have the bus.”

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Sports Jokes

What do you call a guy with no legs and no arms water skiing?
Skipper.

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Sports Jokes

Alex was teeing off from the back tees. On his downswing he suddenly realized that his wife, Mary, was about to tee off from the red tees directly in his path. Unable to stop his downswing he nailed the ball, hit Mary directly in the right temple killing her instantly.
A few days later Alex received a call from the coroner concerning her autopsy. “Alex, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?”
“Yes sir,” Alex replied, “that’s correct.”
“Well, Alex , I also found a large bruise on Mary’s right hip. Do you know anything about that?”
“Yes sir,” Alex said, “That would have been my mulligan.”

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Sports Jokes