Women - Page 125

Women have many faults, men only have two... everything they say and everything they do.

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When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels.
"Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do."
"You're right it wasn't!" Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had, the ones we got from the hotel while we were on vacation."

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes Hotel Jokes

A Cosmopolitan magazine poll revealed that 29% of women have never masturbated.
Meanwhile, 29% of men masturbated just reading about the poll.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

Brian was dating Lorraine and they were very close. While they were dating he met another woman named Clearly and wanted to start dating her but felt that he should be faithful to Lorraine. So he continued to date Lorraine. One day Brian took Lorraine on a walk in the woods by the river. As they were walking near the river Lorraine fell in and was washed away. Brian softly sang, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone..."

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Jokes about Women

I was in the pub last night when one of the regulars, a big headed тwат, came up to me talking sh1t as normal.
He said, “Apart from my mother and sister, I’ve shagged every woman in town.”
I paused for a moment and replied, “Well, John, between us both we’ve done them all.”

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Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A worried patient went to his psychiatrist. “I’m in love with my horse,” he said .
“But that’s nothing,” replied the shrink. “A lot of people love animals. For instance, my wife and I have a dog that we love very much.”
“Ah, but doctor,” the patient replied. “It’s a sexual attraction that I feel toward my horse.”
“Ahhh!” exclaimed the doc. “What kind of a horse is it? Male or female?”
“Female, of course,” said the dude. “What do you think I am, a faggot??!”

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Dog jokes

The wife of my friend is not a woman to me. But if she's pretty he's not my friend.

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Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes

As long as the power button to the PlayStation is in the 'on' position, she just slipped to number two on your list of priorities. And no woman wants to slip. She don't wanna be behind your mama, your friends, your career -- certainly not John Madden.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

England's West Country is known for its charming cottage-like shops. While visiting the area, my friend peered in through one window to see shelf upon shelf of interesting looking books. So, she went inside.
A woman appeared through a beaded curtain and asked,
"Can I help you?"
"No, just browsing," said my friend.
"Fine," came the reply. "But, just so you know, around here, most people knock before entering someone's home."

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Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes

I have just been interviewing people for a post at my work.
The first guy was fresh from university and very eager.
The second guy had a degree and five years experience.
The woman had two degrees and twelve years experience.
I am all for equal opportunities, so of course I employed the woman.
I’ll only have to pay her half as much.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

A Police officer called over to the Station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes

A head-on collision occurred between a man and a woman. Both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished. The woman said,
"This is quite a predicament. We should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle." The man replied, "What a great idea; I just happen to have a bottle with me." With this he handed it to the man. The man downed half the bottle and handed it back. The woman would not take it back and said,
"I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

I was in the crazy maze at Alton Towers the other day.
I turned a corner n there were 4 muslim women in burkha’s….
I shouted “U Ракi Сunтs” and ran for it… …
Best game of pac man I ever had!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.
"And what will your third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and said,
"Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said,
"But your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."
"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Why do cannibals not like divorced women?
Because they’re bitter.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So it’s easier for them to stand next to the kitchen sink.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman.
Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Money jokes

One morning a milkman called on one of his regular customers and was surprised to see a white bed sheet with a hole in the middle hanging up in her living room.
The housewife explained that she’d had a party the night before in which the company played “Who’s Whose” - each of the men had put their equipment through the hole and the women tried to guess their identity.
“Gee, that sounds like fun,” said the milkman. “Sure wish I’d been there.”
“You should have been,” said the housewife. “Your name came up three times.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

A woman walks into a store that sells expensive rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she accidentally breaks wind. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident. She turns and sees that standing next to her is a salesman.
"Hello M'am. How may I help you today?"
Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir, how much does this rug cost?"
He answers, "Well, you broke wind just touching it. I'm anxious to see what happens when you hear the price."

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Jokes about Women

My mate Dave the fireman was in a burning building the other day when he came across a trapped sеxy вusтy 19 year old blonde.
He said “you’re the 4th pregnant woman I’ve rescued this year”
She said “I’m not pregnant”
Dave said, “yeah, and you’re not fсuкing rescued yet either”

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes