Women - Page 91

Two women friends had gone out for a girls night out, and had been overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunк and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to рее. They were very close to a graveyard, and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with, so she took off her раnтiеs, used them, and threw them away. Her friend however, was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the other husband and says,
"These girls' nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her раnтiеs."
"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her вuтт that said,
"From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you!"

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There's a young man at the bar frustrated. Him and his wife got into a fight and she kicked him out. He see's an old man at the bar happy as ever, but notices a ring on his finger. He asks " How long have you been married?" Old man says "65 years, and im still happy as ever"
"How?" Asks the young man. The old man then says " Well one day my wife and I way back were walking with our donkey to go get some water from the well. On our way back the donkey falls and spills some water. I said "Donkey thats one." It falls again later and I said "Now dаммiт thats two!" It falls yet again and spills all the water. So I pulled out my gun and shot it in the heard and killed it. My wife then yelled " Now why in the hеll did you do that?!" I looked at her and said "Woman now thats one".

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

An old woman is sitting in a rocking chair on her porch, petting her cat Foo Foo. A fairy appears and says,
"I'm here to grant you three wishes." The old woman says,
"I wish I was twenty years old and beautiful again." Рооf! She is. "Now I wish I had a million dollars and this old house was a mansion." Рооf! Done. "And now I wish that Foo Foo was the handsomest man ever and deeply in love with me." Рооf! Suddenly she's in the arms of a gorgeous man. He kisses her and says,
"Darling, aren't you sorry you had me fixed?"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.

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Jokes about Women Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man is at the bar, blind drunк. Some of the customers decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. They pick him up off the floor and drag him out of the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car, and he falls down four more times. They ring the doorbell and a woman answers. “Here’s your husband!”
“Thanks,” says the man’s wife. “What did you do with his wheelchair?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A Spanish man who doesn't speak English says to a Mexican woman, "Lady, I want to make the love with you," and she says,
"Mande?" and he says,
"No Monday, today."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

When it comes to women, I am like the tortiose. I like to get there before the hair.

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Jokes about Women

Woman spelt backwards is kitchen.

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Jokes about Women

Note to self, telling a woman to "calm down", stimulates hulk-like outbreaks.

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Jokes about Women One-Liner Jokes

A little boy went to a whоrе house and asked to buy a girl for the night but first he asked do any of them had a disease the woman behind the counter replied no and he said thats вullshiт my dad said amber has hеrреs she said I guess thats true he said well then good I'll take her last door on the right she replied the boy went to the room amber said why do you want me the boy said because then I'll get hеrреs and I'll have sеx with my babysitter because she likes little boys my dad will take her home and fuск her then he'll get hеrреs then he'll fuск my mom and get hеrреs then she'll fuск the mail man and he'll get hеrреs and hes the one who ran over my dog

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

Me : So I just watched this film where a mans wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Friend : uhhhhhh
Friend : What was it called ?
Me: Finding Nemo

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Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes

A trucker is hired to deliver a bunch of generic black bowling ваlls to the new bowling alley across town. As hes driving, a deer runs out in front of his truck and he swerves and tips the truck, and his cargo goes flying everywhere. He jumps out of the truck and begins trying to gather up the bowling bowls. He notices that an old woman has run out of her house with a baseball bat and is beating the bowling ваlls with it. He runs over to her an yells, "what do you think you're doin' lady???" and she screams in distress, "I'm breaking them before they hatch."

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A man and his wife are having sеx when a bee flies into the woman's vаginа and won't come out. They got to the doctor and he says that he wants to try and put honey on the tip of his реnis to lure the bee out. The man reluctantly agrees and his wife and the doctor start having sеx. After a while it has gotten more intense and the man angrily asks if he was still trying to get the bee out and the doctor replies "Change of plans. I'm going to drown the little ваsтаrd!"

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A blonde woman is driving her car down the highway going way, way too fast. She passes a patrol car and is immediately pulled over. The police officer, who is also a blonde woman, comes over to the window and asks for her license. Dumbfounded, the blonde driver frantically tears through her pocketbook but can't seem to find it. She asks the officer, "Well what does a license look like?". The officer says,
"It's a small card with you picture on it." So she starts looking again and pulls out a small mirror. "Aha! I found it!" she says, and hands it to the officer. The officer looks at it, hands it back and says "Your free to go." The driver asks why and the officer responds, "I didn't know you were a cop."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew the lightbulb, but you can't unscrew the pregnant woman.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

Woman spelt backwards is namow. Namow in Polish means persuasion. What are all women good at? Persuading. Coincidence? I think not.

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Jokes about Women

Man: Dear do you know that exams are like women? Woman: How funny? Man: Yes, they are tough to understand, complicated, lots of questions and the result is always doubtful.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman her learns her place.

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Jokes about Women One-Liner Jokes

There was 3 women in the desert a redneck, brunette, and a blonde. They found a genie and he granted 1 wish to each one of them. The redneck wished for a fаn so she wouldn't be hot. The burnette wished for a cantons full of water so she wouldn't be thirsty. The blonde wished for a car door so she could тооl down the window when it got hot.

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes

There was a boy who couldn't say words properly, but his mum still trusted the boy to go shopping.
"Son i need you to buy us a bun, a bucket and a cocker spaniel"
The boy said "ok be right back"
So the boy went to the bakery store and he went to the man in the front and asked "sir do you have a вuм?" the man said " you mean a bun?"
And the boy said "yes a вuм." so he bought it and moved on to the next store, he asked the man working there, "sir can i have a f*cket?" and the man said "ohh~~ do you mean a 'bucket'?" and so the boy doesn't bother and says "yes, a f*cket..."
He goes to the pet store and asks "Do you have a соск and spankit?", the owner said,
"Excuse me? do you mean a cocker spaniel" the boy just says "yes a соск and spankit..." so recieved all of the items that his mum told him to buy.
He moves onto the bus stop waiting for the bus, a woman was next to him smiling to him nicely, finally the bus came, he entered the bus and noticed he was missing an item, he was missing the cocker spaniel, it was still at the bus stop, so he says to the woman "excuse me, Can you hold onto my вuм and f*cket, while i get my соск and spankit...."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes