Women - Page 95

Borrow five dollars from a woman and they will forget.
Borrow a piece of Tupperware from a woman and they will hunt you down to every corner of the planet.

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1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.)Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5.)Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiот and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a wom an can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.)Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8.)Don’t worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3. Then you RUN!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

I can’t think of anything funny to say.
This must be how it feels to be a woman

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

Female BRAIN:
20% Jewelry
20% Shoping
20% Money
20% Gossipng
10% Kitchen care
10% fcuk
Male Brain:
98% Fcuk
1% Who to Fсuк.?
1% Where to fсuк..

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes

I can’t believe all these women are marching today while their men sit home and starve.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

Apparently they’re making a remake of the Never Ending Story.
It starts with a Man asking a Woman how her day was.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

Why do women love sеx?
They love anything that involves moaning.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Sexist Jokes

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer…
The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed
In the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep’a scrollin’…
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect
Woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a
Car accident.
By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never frickin listen, either.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Christmas Jokes Sexist Jokes

A woman came up to me and asked if i would like to save a tree.
So i took her car keys off her.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

Women find it ‘disgusting’ that a man can look at a woman, evaluate multiple diverse factors to arrive at one number to rate her a on a scale from zero to ten. How is that any better than the fact that a woman can look at a man and evaluate him in his entirety on one number?
His annual salary.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

A very ugly man walking down the street comes across a most beautiful expensively dressed woman. She asks him please come with me; I have a job for you. Being the first time that any woman talked to him he was flabbergasted. He blindly follows her and ends up in a goldsmith's shop. Pointing to the ugly guy the woman tells the goldsmith "looks like this one" and she leaves the shop without a word to the ugly man. Confused, the ugly man tells the goldsmith the story and asks him if he has the slightest idea on why he was brought to him. The goldsmith says, well, it may be disturbing to know that she wanted a ring made for her with a devils face on it. I told her I had never seen a devil before

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A woman asks her husband, “Honey, if you could pick any number to represent me, what would it be?” …
…
“Pi,” said her husband. …
…
“Oh!” she replied “That’s interesting. Does it have something to do with circles?” …
…
“Yes,” he said. “But I was thinking that Pi is irrational, darling.”

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Jokes about Women Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Whilst reading through an ancient book at the British Library, I found a ‘magic spell’ that would supposedly make women want to have sеx with me.
Worked like a fuскing charm.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Man: What hand do you wipe your вuм with?
Woman: Right hand.
Man: Oh really, I use toilet paper.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

What’s a good Christmas gift for the woman who already has everything except morals?

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Jokes about Women Christmas Jokes

A man cares about his safety more than women. Why? Because he always carries a gun! (U known what I mean)

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

Why did God create women ?
To carry sемеn from the bedroom to the toilet.

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Sex Jokes

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks,
"Do you have any small notebooks?"
"Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."
The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?"
"Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.
The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"
The manager shrugs, "Sorry."
"Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman.
"Nope. Don't have that."
"My God!" the woman shouts, "If you don't have anything, you should close the stinking store!"
The manager shrugs, "Don't have the key."

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Jokes about Women God Jokes

Most men know that women dream of having two men at the same time. But they don't understand that in those fantasies one man is cleaning the house and the other one is cooking.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Read this from Readers Digest a long time ago: One day a Cowpoke riding the plains, came upon a warrior with his head down on the ground with his ear on a wagon track, the warrior looked up at the cowpoke and said" Wagon with two horses, one black, one white, man with beard drive, smoke pipe, women ride, wear blue dress with bonnet" the cowpoke looks at the warrior and said" you mean you can tell me all that just by listening to a wagon track? The warrior looked up and replied, "No! Run over me half hour ago...

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