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Jokes about Women

Newest jokes in this category

I went on holiday last week. As I laid on the beach being massaged by a beautiful woman, I looked at my wife and said, “This is the life, isn’t it?”
She just completely ignored me. “Isn’t it?” I asked again. She continued to ignore me.
“Oh fuск off then,” I said, “I don’t know why I even bothered to Skype you.”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

Looking in the mall for a cotton nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its hot lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for.
Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same nightgown. This confirmed what I suspected all along, that despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude.
"I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20 something behind me.
"Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother for Christmas."

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Jokes about Women Christmas Jokes

How does a woman show she's planning for the future? Plastic Surgery.

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Jokes about Women Life Jokes

The phone rings; she answers. The party on the other end hangs up. What the first thing y'all say, ladies? 'That was your woman on the phone.' Happened to me one day. I'm leaving home. My girl said, 'Tell your вiтсh I said hello.' I said, 'Hello!'

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage is love; after marriage is self-defense.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

You must think with a clean mind: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down, a dog does with his leg lifted?
Why shake hands...

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

Ladies, you say we don't communicate, but you never talk about things we're interested in, like football and other women.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes

Did you hear about the woman who was waging a war on poverty?
She bombed the soup kitchen.

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Jokes about Women Military Jokes

Women are the quickest to learn the three R’s. This is R’s, that’s R’s, everything’s R’s.

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Jokes about Women One-Liner Jokes

I went on the Splash Mountain roller coaster and the woman next to me wouldn’t stop screaming her fool head off. …
Seriously, it was like she’d never seen a pεnis before.

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Jokes about Women

What are the three words women hate to hear during sеx? "Honey, I'm home!"

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

A twice married and divorced well-to-do business man named Ralph felt he finally found his soul mate in a woman half his age. Betty, his new wife, was pretty, dirтy blond hair, and not all that bright, but Ralph didn't care. He would do anything to make her happy, and on Betty's birthday he called her out to the front yard.
"Happy Birthday!" he shouted as he proudly showed off Betty's gift, an immaculate 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air 2 door hard top classic car.
"Wow!" Betty exclaimed. "That's a really ancient looking car. It must be more than 20 years old!"
"Try 50! Honeybunch, I have a business trip to go on. This car will make you a ton of money. There's a bunch of events coming up in Johnson County and when I get back, I bet you're gonna make me a happy man when I find out how well you did."
Ralph left on his trip, and upon his return, as he was driving up the block to his house, he noticed a tow truck in his driveway. Pulling up he saw his dear old classic car on the truck bed, smashed to smithereens. Running into the house, he yelled for Betty.
"What in the world happened to your car?"
"I won first prize, $1000, that's what happened," Betty replied.
"First prize, where?" Ralph asked astonishingly.
"At the Johnson County Demolition Derby!"

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes

How are women and deer similar?
Their value goes up based on their rack size!

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Jokes about Women

A Chinese guy sees his mate flirting with a woman this is what they said:
Mate: I'm entirely innocent! I just happen to be passing this certain young lady, whoever she is! Woman: Why's he wearing a lampshade? (referring to his Chinese hat) Chinese guy: If you want it, it's yours!
Woman: But what would I be doing with a lampshade?
Chinese guy: Get yourself a lamp, and it'll make a change from turning my mate on!

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Jokes about Women

I’m so bad with women I can’t even get them to take their gloves off.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

The teacher asks a pretty female student:
“Name three plays by Shakespeare.”
“4 inches, 8 inches and 12 inches.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Much Ado About Nothing, As You Like It and A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

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Jokes about Women School Jokes

A woman knocked on my door collecting for a feminist organisation.
So I gave her some Razors.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

The first thing I look for in a woman is Intelligence.
Because if she doesn’t have that there’s a good chance I can fuск her.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy.
One is to take her shopping.
The rest is 69.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

Women always say that men can’t multitask.
Men in fact can multitask, they put up with your вullshiт and still somehow live at the same time.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes