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Fart Jokes

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По настоящему рискует тот Истински риск е тогава Was ist Mut? - Wenn man mit Durchfall pupst!
Q: Who is brave?
A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fаrт!
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One morning when I was going out of the house I met my neighbor's daughter who was pregnant. When I returned home I saw her father closing the door.
I told him: "Your daughter hasn't married yet I wonder how it is possible a girl without any husband be pregnant?
For a moment her father with a bitter smile said: "She isn't pregnant; it is all wind in her belly. She farts and would recovery."
Next year perchance I saw the same girl with a baby in her arms.
Next day when I was going out facing her father so I told him: "I saw your daughter with her fаrт in her arms."
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A wife and her husband were sleeping, in the middle of the night, the husband farted.
Next morning the guy told his wife: "Last night I dreamed that I've bought a Mercedes!"
His wife said: "That is right and you tootled for me."
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I was invited to a party.
Suddenly I farted when an angry man shouted: "Why do you fаrт in presence of my wife?"
I only gazed him for some moments and calmly told him:"Sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
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My late grandfather always told me: "When there is a wind in your belly вlоw it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."
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If you have a grief nobody feels.
If you have a pain nobody feels.
If your heart is broken nobody feels, but if you fаrт all will understand.
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Q: Why do men fаrт louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
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Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water?
A: Swimmers are farting.
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Little Johnny's father farted.
The son asked his father: "What was that?"
His father said: "My sweet that is 'north wind'"
When he went to school the teacher asked the class: "Who knows the direction of the north wind?
Little Johnny shouted: "My daddy's аss!"
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Yo mama is so fат when she farts its noise is just a nightingale.
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My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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When I reached bus stop I saw a pretty blonde who was gazing me.
First I supposed perhaps she loves me so I also watched her and twinkled her.
Then I understood she has farted and is looking me in order whether I would feel or not.
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- The smell of вееr on your breath drives me wild.
- I'm bored. Let's shave the p***y.- I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.- Let's get a good роrnо movie, a case of вееr, and make an afternoon of it.- God, if I don't вlоw you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!- I only signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head.- Let's subscribe to Hustler.- Let's take pictures so your friends will believe you.- Honey, our neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again. Come see!- Awesome fаrт! Do another one!
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My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sеx suddenly she farted.
I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
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One night my mother in law came to our home.
In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC.
She farted.
I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"
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Teacher: "Little Johnny can you say a sentence to use with dirтy words?
Little Johnny: "Yesterday my school was late so I had to run in order to reach on time."
Teacher: "You didn't use any bad word in your sentence."
Little Johnny: "Well, when I was running I farted many times!"
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Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. 
Dave said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" 
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane вооzе and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT!
NO hangover!
NO bad side effects.
Nothing! 
Then the phone rings.
It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Dave says, "I feel great, how about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Dave says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often." 
"Yeah, well there's just one thing."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No."
"Well, DON'T! 'Cause I'm in Perth!"
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A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sеx problems.
This prescription makes his diск strong and heathy.
There is only one side effect.
That diet causes he blows many farts daily!
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