Fart Jokes

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What is the optimum weight of a fаrт?
0.0 grams. Otherwise we’re not talking fаrт.

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A boy comes home and proudly announces to his parents, "Mom, dad, the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right answer!"
The parents are very happy and ask, "That's amazing Lenny! And what was the question?"
Sticking out his chest, the boys says,
"Who farted?"

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Bill Gates farted in an Apple store. He later commented, "Well it’s hardly my fault they don't have any Windows…”

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That awkward moment when everything is quiet in class, but there’s no way you can stop yourself farting.

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When people hug you, fаrт loudly. You’ll make them feel very strong.

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A skeleton made a bet, claiming he’s going to fаrт really loud in a crowded place. But he didn’t in the end. He just didn’t have the guts.

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What is the most nerve-wracking moment in the life of a man?
Attempting your first silent public fаrт after a longer period of diarrhea.

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What is the real reason women don’t fаrт loudly in public?
Because they don’t shut up long enough to build a decent pressure.

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That awkward moment when you fаrт in front of your crush.

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I farted at work today. They called in the plumbers to check for a leak in the sewage system.

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Mother’s advice: Stop whining. Look what the couch has to endure. It has to stand every fаrт, and silently.

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A man pulls up his car at a red light next to a woman in her car. He opens his windows and glances at the woman. The woman also opens the window and looks at him questioningly. The man smiles and says:
“Ah, you too? Gas is a вiтсh, isn’t it.”

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A teenage boy is invited for lunch at his girlfriend’s house.
Because he made some bad food choices earlier, he simply has to fаrт when they're all at the table.
The girlfriend's dad shouts at the large dog sitting under the boy’s chair: „Rex!”
Seeing that the father thought it was the dog, the boy is much relieved.
A minute later the boy has to fаrт again - and again audibly. The father snaps at the dog again:
“Rex!!”
The boy is relieved again that the father thought it was the dog.
Ten minutes later the boy farts again.
The father shouts:
“Rex, come here before that boy craps on your head.”

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Two flies are sitting on a piece of роор. One fly farts and the other fly cries, "Hey! I'm trying to eat here!"

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That awkward moment when you make a false excuse to go out of the room to fаrт, but when you come back in, you realize you carried the smell back with you.

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That awkward moment when your shoe makes the wrong sound on the floor and you know there’s no way to persuade anyone you haven’t just farted.

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That awkward moment when you fаrт in the supermarket’s dairy section and then somebody comes that very second, sniffing and admiring the complex maturity of the Limburger cheese.

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Don’t you hate it when you fаrт under your blanket, lift your foot to air it out but instead you unintentionally lift the other end of the blanket and get the full load in your face?

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