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She is so blonde, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went back home.

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Two ladies, a Yankee and a Southern Belle, are sitting next to each other on a plane. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from?"
The Yankee replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."
Without missing a beat, the Southern Belle bats her lashes and asks, "So, where y'all from, вiтсh?"

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Car and driving jokes Blue Collar Jokes

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut on board. After months of training, they placed all three in the shuttle and prepared for launch.
Mission Control Center announced, "This is Mission Control to Monkey One. Do your stuff."
The first monkey began frantically typing and the shuttle took off.
Two hours later, NASA's mission control center announced, "This is Mission Control to Monkey Two. Do your stuff."
The second monkey started typing like mad and the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.
Another two hours later Mission Control Center announced, "This is Mission Control to Astronaut... "
At this, the astronaut shouted "I know, I know - feed the monkeys and don't touch anything."

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Car and driving jokes

Plane: How do you fly so fast?
Rocket: You'll know when your аss is on fire.

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Car and driving jokes

Two blondes wait at a bus stop.
A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver says, "No, I'm sorry."
The other blonde leans inside and asks, "How about me?"

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

On the drive over to his girlfriend's house, a guy listens to a call-in sеx show on the radio. The host is explaining that маsтurватing before sеx can help men last longer. The guy decides to give it a try.
He pulls his truck over on the side of the highway, gets out and crawls underneath. Satisfied with the privacy, he undoes his pants, closes his eyes and starts to маsтurвате.
Close to оrgаsм, he feels a tap on the bottom of his boot. Not wanting to lose his fantasy when he's so close, he squeezes his eyes shut tighter and stammers, "J-just checking the r-rear a-axle. Almost g-got it!"
"Well, you might as well check your brakes while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."

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Car and driving jokes Masturbation jokes

Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
She found out Big Ben was only a clock.

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A guy surprises his fiancee by having her name tattooed on his реnis. In flowing script it says, "Wendy."
On their Jamaican honeymoon, he uses a public bathroom and sees a Jamaican man who seems to have the same name tattooed on his реnis. The husband asks, "So your girl's name is Wendy, too?"
The guy looks down at his реnis and says, "No, once de wrinkles come out, it says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, mon! Have a nice day.'"

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Car and driving jokes

A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to вlоw into a breathalyzer."I can't do that, officer - I'm an asthmatic. I could hae an asthma attack if I вlоw into that tube."
"OK, we'll just get a urinе sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I рее in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunк."

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.
The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to кill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over - the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.
The chief screams, "What are you doing?"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, a**hole!"

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Car and driving jokes Boss Jokes

Q: Why is a blonde's top speed 68 mph?
A: Because at 69 she blows a rod.

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: Why does a traffic light turn red?
A: If you had to change in front of everyone, you'd turn red, too.

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Car and driving jokes

A cheap tourist in a Mexican town known for prostitution picks up a hоокеr.
After paying her, he drives off, shouting back, "El dollar, counterfeito!"The рrоsтiтuте smiles and shouts back, "El syphilis, originale!"

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Car and driving jokes

A man and his wife check into a cheap hotel. The husband goes down to the bar, but his tired wife goes up to the room to lie down. Suddenly, an elevated train passes by very close to the window, shakes the room and throws her out of bed. She lies down again, but the same thing happens.
She calls the front desk, and the manager comes up to investigate. The wife says, "Lie here on the bed, you'll be thrown right to the floor."
The manager lies down next to the wife just as her husband walks in.
"What's going on here?" demands the husband.
The manager replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

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Car and driving jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."

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Car and driving jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Coffee Jokes Cyclist Humor

Redneck Воотy Call... Truck:
That's why they call it a pick-up truck!

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Car and driving jokes

Q: What do a Kenworth semi-truck and a test tube baby have in common?
A: Neither one's Peterbilt.

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Car and driving jokes

A young boy sits on the edge of the sidewalk, eats some M&Ms, cuts off the back end of a grasshopper, and then moves down the curb. He does this over and over.
His mother asks him what he's doing. He says, "I'm playing trucker. I pop some pills, cut off some a**hole and keep moving."

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Car and driving jokes

Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together. Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles.
One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home."
The next day, they come to work on a donkey. After work they come out and see a donkey tied to the fence.
I think we're going to have to wait again, " says the one blonde. "I'm not convinced that's our donkey."
"Why not?" asks the second blonde.
The first blonde says, "Well, this donkey only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I distinctly overhead someone say, 'Hey look at those two a**holes on that donkey.'"

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes

An elderly couple sets sail on a romantic cruise. Unfortunately, as the ship leaves the dock, the wife's hearing aid falls out and rolls overboard. Then, the old couple find bunk beds in their suite. The husband sourly thinks, "Dамn! She can't hear a thing AND no sеx for a week!"
That night, the husband taps his wife on the shoulder and asks, "Up or down?"
She immediately throws him on the bed and makes love to him.
Night after night, she repeats this behavior every time he asks "up or down?"
When they get home, the husband goes out shopping for bunk beds to keep things spicy.
The wife returns with her new hearing aid and finds the bunk beds in the bedroom. "What in the hеll did you get bunk beds for?"
"Every night I asked you 'up or down,' you made wild passionate love to me. I thought they turned you on."
"Is that what you were saying? I thought you were asking 'f**k or drown!'"

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Car and driving jokes

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