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A man sits next to a very attractive woman on an airplane.
He asks her what kind of men she is interested in.
Her top three choices are Native American men, Jewish men and Southern men. The woman asks the man what his name is.
He replies "Geronimo Bernstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

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A wife comes home and tells her husband, "Dear, something is wrong with my car. It's got water in the carburetor."
The husband replies, "That's not possible."
"Well," says the wife, "I'm telling you that's the problem."
The husband gets up and sighs, "OK, fine. Where'd you park it?"
The wife points toward the backyard, "In the swimming pool."

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Car and driving jokes

Ethel loves to charge around the nursing home in her wheelchair. Due to her eccentric nature, other residents tolerate her behavior and even play along.
As Ethel speeds down one corridor, a door opens and a man steps out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he says in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fishes around in her handbag and pulls out a candy wrapper. "OK," he says and she goes on her way.
As she rounds the next corner, another man steps in front of her and shouts, "STOP! Do you have a valid taxi medallion for your vehicle, madam?" Ethel digs into her handbag again and pulls out a вееr coaster. "Looks good," he says and sends her on her way.
Going down the final corridor, a third man steps in front of her. He is stark nакеd and holds an еrестiоn in his hand. "Oh no," says Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again!"

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Car and driving jokes Beer Jokes

A trucker misses the turn-off before the low bridge and gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car pulls up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

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Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes

A plane is passing through a storm when a wing is struck by lightning. One woman freaks out and screams, "I'm too young to die! I want my last minutes of life to be satisfying. I've had plenty of sеx, but I've never been fulfilled. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
A gorgeous man stands up. "I can make you feel like a woman."
He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. Muscles ripple across his chest as he extends his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers, "Iron this."

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Car and driving jokes

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

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Car and driving jokes

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: One. What are you - sтuрid?

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Car and driving jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Light bulb jokes

You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving your driver's license will say "picture continued on other side."

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Car and driving jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69.
She said, "No, but I have done 53 - that's all the sailors I could sсrеw in one night."

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Sailor Jokes

Q: What comes after 69?
A: Mouthwash.

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A man dies, and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and starts talking to them.
"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."
Then she whispers, "You know that вlоw job I promised you? Well, here it comes."

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Car and driving jokes Gross Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sick and Death Jokes Insurance Comedy

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.
"No!" yells the blonde.
Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.
"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hеll not?"
The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"

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Gross Jokes Blonde Jokes

What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fаrт!

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Fart Jokes

What did one вuтт cheek say to the other?
"Together, we can stop this s**t."

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench, and a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady had a sтrоке, the second lady had a sтrоке, and the third lady's arm was too short to reach.

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Gross Jokes American Presidents Humor

A little girl and her mother are at chuch when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church. When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
"Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way around the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'"

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Gross Jokes Kids Jokes American Presidents Humor

Whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent, an old pirate captain would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of his crew members asked him what it meant.
The pirate captain replied, "It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
He told the crew member, "Get my brown pants."

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Gross Jokes Military Jokes Sailor Jokes Beauty Jokes Pirate Jokes

A man goes to a $10 hоокеr and contracts сrавs.
When he goes back to complain, the hоокеr laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 - lobster?"

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Math Jokes

Q: Why are constipated people so rude?
A: They don't give a сrар.

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Gross Jokes

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