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A Scottish wife, an English wife, and an Irish wife were all talking about how they never had enough money to go shopping. All of a sudden, the English wife had an idea.
"I know! We can take off our underwear, and then when our husbands notice, we can say we don't have enough money even for knickers!"
Everybody thought this was a good idea, so they went home to try it. When the English wife's husband noticed, he gave her 200 pounds to go shopping with. When the Irish wife's husband noticed, he gave her his credit card. The next day, they all three met up to discuss how it went. The Irish wife and the English wife were all dressed up in their new clothes, but the Scottish wife was still in rags. The other two demanded to know what had happened.
"Well," said the Scottish wife. "As I was gardening, I веnт over to show him I wasn't wearing any undiеs. But when he saw, he gave 40p to get a comb!"
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Pennsylvania Avenue, where he''''d been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and
meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn''''t reside
here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the
same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary
Clinton".
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is
not President and doesn''''t reside here."
The man thanked him and again walked away .
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very
same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary
Clinton."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and
said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to
speak to Mrs. Clinton. I''''ve told you already several times that Mrs.Clinton
is not the President and doesn''''t reside here. Don''''t you
understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine. I just love hearing your
answer!"
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
"See you tomorrow.
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A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, ''I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sеx like a great desert camel.''
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sеx hero he was. The husband asked the man, ''How could sandals make you into a sеx freak?''
The Pakistani man replied, ''Why don't you try them on and see for yourself?''
After much badgering from his wife, the husband finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years, her husband was full of raw sеxuаl power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, ''YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET! YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!''
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- Това е обир, давай парите си! Пари - Give me your money! Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: “Give me your money.” The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: “But, wait! You can’t do... Un político se pierde en el camino. Entonces un ladrón se le acerca con una pistola y le grita: -¡Esto es un asalto, deme todo su dinero! -¿Pero acaso no sabe con quien se está metiendo? ¡Soy un político muy importante! -Ah...en ese caso, ¡devuélvame todo mi dinero! Un ladrón coge a un hombre por la calle. - Deme todo su dinero. - Oiga, usted ni se imagina con quien está hablando. Soy un político muy influyente. El ladrón le mira y le dice: - En ese caso, devuelvame todo mi dinero. Un ladrón a punta de pistola, se cruza con un tipo: - ¡Deme todo su dinero!. El hombre se sorprende, pero en lugar de asustarse lo increpa: - Oiga, usted no sabe con quién se está metiendo. Soy un... - ¡Esto es un asalto, déme todo su dinero! - ¿Usted no sabe que yo soy político? - Disculpe, entonces ... ¡déme todo mi dinero! Грабитель на темной улочке останавливает одинокого пешехода: Eines späten Abends in Berlin wird ein gut gekleidedter älterer Herr von einem maskierten Räuber überfallen: "Los, gib' mir all Dein Geld!" Empört gibt der ältere Herr zurück: "Das können Sie nicht machen! Ich bin Bundestagsabgeordneter!" "In diesem Falle", antwortet der Räuber, "gib mir MEIN... Dammi i tuoi soldi! Sono un politico Allora dammi i miei soldi Un rapinatore va da una persona e dice: "Dammi i tuoi soldi!" Ma lui risponde: "Ma io sono un politico!" E il rapinatore risponde: "Allora dammi i miei soldi!". Um ladrão se aproxima de um senhor posudo e diz: — Me passe já o seu dinheiro. O senhor fica indignado e retruca, de dedo em riste: — O quê? O senhor sabe com quem está falando? Eu sou de-pu-ta-do!... O ladrão foi assaltar um político: - Passa o dinheiro! - Calma! Calma! Eu sou deputado. - Ah, nesse caso! Passa o MEU dinheiro. Egy rabló pisztollyal megy az utcán. Meglát egy öltönyös gazdag embert ahogy kiszáll a BMW-ből. - Ez biztos nagyon gazdag.- gondolja. Odamegy a pisztollyal és elkiáltja magát! - Add ide a pénzed! -... Egy rabló megállít egy embert, és ezt kiáltja: - Ide a pénzt! Erre az ember: - No de kérem, én országgyűlési képviselő vagyok! - Ja az más. AKKOR IDE A PÉNZEM! Presretne pljačkaš sa fantomkom na glavi uglađenog gospodina u novom odelu: - Daj mi tvoje pare, odmah! Uplašeni gospodin diže ruke uplašen i kaže: - Ali, ja.. Ja sam političar. - A jel', onda mi...
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A GOOD ONE... enjoy.
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. Why the death? So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil........ Just when the clock struck 11....
Scroll down for what happened...
Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
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Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and Don Juan are sitting around a table discussing who the best person in the world is. Sleeping Beauty claims that she is the best because she is the most beautiful person in the world.
Hercules claims that he is the best because he is the strongest person in the world.
Don Juan claims that he is the best because he has loved the most women in the world.
So they decide to go speak to the wise man and see who is the best. They agree to go in alone so as not to be embarassed in front of the others.
Sleepy Beauty goes in first and came out smiling. She says that she truly is the most beautiful person in the world.
Hercules goes in next and also came out smiling. He says that he truly is the strongest person in all the world.
Don Juan goes in last but when he comes out he is very angry and confused. He exclaims,''Who the hеll is Bill Clinton?!?''
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These three men were stranded on an island:
a Nefoundlander, a Cape Bretoner and a Quebecian. The three searched the island to try to find a way off when the Nefoundlander came upon a lamp with a genie. The genie poped up and said,
"I will grant three wishes, so that's one for each of you." So the Newfoundlander goes, "Well I wish I was back in Newfoundland." So рuff , he was sent to Newfoundland. Then the Quebecian jumps up and says me next me next, I know exactly want I want. The Quebecian says, "I would like to build a wall. I want this wall to be 1000 feet high and I want it to surround Quebec, so that nothing can get in and nothing can get out, and I want to be in Quebec."So the genie says okay and builds the wall, and now Quebec is officially separate from the rest of Canada and the Quebecian is back there. So now the Cape Bretoner gets up and says, "Tell me more about this wall." So the genie tells him, "This wall is 1000 feet high and surrounds Quebec and noting can pass in or out of Quebec." So the Cape Bretoner says, "Okay. Fill it with water."
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day. A Serb and an Albanian from Kosovo found a lamp, rubbed it and the Ginnie showed up in front of them. Η δίκη του Bin Landen Um brasileiro e um argentino foram os únicos sobreviventes de um desastre aéreo no Saara, Um argentino e um brasileiro encontram uma lampada mágica Gênio: vocês agora são meus amos! Cada um tem direito a um desejo. Argentino:quero que faça aparecer uma muralha em volta da argentina,...
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