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Q: What does Tiger Woods say to his wife after having sеx?
A: I will be home in 20 minutes, dear.

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News and Politics Jokes

A boy from France comes to America. He wants to learn some new words so he goes to the airport and learns "take off."
Then he learned "zebra" from the zoo and "baby" from the hospital.
Then he goes home and says, ''Mommy, I learned new words today.''
She says, "Great, honey what did you learn?" He says, ''Takeoffzebrababy!''

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News and Politics Jokes Aviation Jokes

What's the difference between Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton?
One wants to sсrеw the world and one already has!

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News and Politics Jokes American Presidents Humor

Religious Views of the World:
Taoism: Shiт happens.
Confucianism: Confucious says, shiт happens.
Buddhism: If shiт happens, it isn't really shiт.
Zen: What is the sound of shiт happening?
Hinduism: This shiт happened before.
Islam: If shiт happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism: Let shiт happen to someone else.
Native American: What is the medicine of shiт?
Catholicism: If shiт happens, you deserve it.
Judaism: Why does this shiт always happen to us?
Pantheism: It's all the same shiт.
Atheism: I don't believe this shiт.
Agnosticism: What is this shiт?

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News and Politics Jokes American Jokes

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said,
"Yep, that's them."
So the guy walked over and said,
"Hello. What are you guys doing?"
Bush said,
"We're planning World War III."
The guy asked,
"Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush said,
"Well, we're going to кill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna кill a bicycle repairman?!"
Bush turned to Powell and said,
"See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!"

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News and Politics Jokes Blonde Jokes American Presidents Humor

Wright, Right?
One right can't make a wrong. But two Wrights can make an airplane!

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News and Politics Jokes Aviation Jokes

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited on the eve of the millennium to have dinner with God. After a little bit of small talk, God informed them that he would be destroying the earth the next day. Upon returning to earth, they each made announcemnts.
"I have two piece of bad news," said Boris Yeltsin. "One, God does exist. Two, all of the earth will be destroyed tomorrow."
"I have some good news and some bad news," said Bill Clinton. "First, the good - God does exist. And the bad - the earth will be destroyed tomorrow."
"I have some great news!" said Bill Gates. "One, I'm one of the three most important people on earth. Two, we've got this Y2K thing solved!"

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News and Politics Jokes American Presidents Humor

They said the darker you were, you know, you were further away from the slаvе house.
I learned that! The light-skinned people, they say, there was some mixing going on. Man, my family was so dark, we were two feet from freedom! We didn't even know there was a house on the plantation.

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News and Politics Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Scottish...
What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat?
The Dolly Llama.

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News and Politics Jokes

- a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
- Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters.
- Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages.
- people use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss.
- Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

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News and Politics Jokes Banker Jokes

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations.
Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite. To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the Russian game of roulette. He produced an antique Soviet revolver, and a single bullet. It took a while, but he was finally able to explain the gist of the game to Umballa. Intrigued and excited, Umballa loved the game. By the time the U.N. meeting was over, the two had become fast friends. As they parted company at the airport, Umballa told Vladimir, ''One day, you must visit my country, and try our version of your roulette.'' A year later, Vladimir was in Zambia, and looked up his old friend. Umballa remembered him, and welcomed him with open arms. ''I have come, my comrade, to try your game.'' ''Very well. Come with me.'' Umballa took his friend before six, buck-nакеd bush women. ''Pick one. Any one. And she will give you a вlоwjов.'' ''But my friend, where is the danger in this?'' Umballa replied with a toothy smile, ''One of them is a cannibal.''

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News and Politics Jokes Aviation Jokes American Presidents Humor

Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.

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Nationality Jokes Food Jokes

They don't treat the black people right.
In our neighborhoods, they don't have banks - they have check cashing.

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Nationality Jokes Banker Jokes

You seen white people goin, 'Oh, how ya doin', Bob?
Ah, no I.D. with me today. No, I forgot my I.D. Just go ahead -$5,000.' Brothers be at the bank - he's got his birth certificate, social security card, his lotto tickets, his pictures his kid drew, and they're still over in the back going, 'I don't think that's him. I'll tell you what, give him $28.'

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Nationality Jokes Banker Jokes

I'm tired of people saying all black people look alike.
We don't all look alike. Ain't it funny how they always say we all look alike until we go cash a check? Then we don't look like nobody.

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Nationality Jokes

A black man start losing his hair, what'd he do?
Just cut it all off - pow! - Montel Williams in the house! White man start losing his hair, what'd he do? Take the hair from the side and fold it over the top. Black man ain't going out like that.

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Nationality Jokes

Shortly after having her ninth baby, an Irish Catholic woman runs into her parish priest.
He congratulates her on the new offspring and says, "Nine children is certainly a full house."
"Well," she replies, "I don't know how I get pregnant so often. It must be something in the air."
"Yes," says the priest, "your legs."

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Nationality Jokes Priest Jokes

Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko.

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Nationality Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Q: How do you sink a Polish ship?
A: Put it in water.

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Nationality Jokes

Signs It's a Bad Day:
- You wake up on pavement.
- You can't find the clothes you wore home from the party.
- Your twin forgets your birthday.
- You wake up to discover your waterbed broke, and then remember you don't have a waterbed.
- You wake up with your mouth guard stuck, and then remember you don't wear a mouth guard.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-husband.
- You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
- Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George

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Nationality Jokes

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